30 September 2009


So the half way point in the week is here! Personally I'm holding out for 5.00 on Friday and containing my excitement for my precious saturday morning lie-in! *sigh* A busy week so far, and I'm sure more shit to come, but isn't that always the way! However today wasn't all bad - there was a brown box awaiting me when I got home, and in said brown box was something much anticipated and just as adorable as I'd hoped! "What was in the box Bex?" I hear you cry! Well laydees allow me to introduce the very handsome Pocket Edward!

Cute lil dude
Bex: Your super lovable for such a little guy..
Ed: Well, size isn't everything y'know...
Bex: Seriously? *waggles eyebrows*
Ed: I've been sent to live with filth...*stalks off*
Bex: *shrug*

It may only be wednesday, but my body has already consumed an obscene amount of crap food.  It's all about the sugar....

Choccy Goodness
Minty...chocolatey...a winning combination every time, no?

The good shit! I know it's bad for me but it's my one true beverage love!

*excited bouncing* Welcome to my newest follower, the spanktastic SmuttierThanYou! *waves* Who has totally made my day by using the term "fuckchop" - a first class cuss if ever I heard one! She is currently in-flight (pigeons you have been warned!) and I wish her & her Pocket Eddy the safest trip home :)

Finally, somethings are too damn good to not share! He's wet, he's Rob and he is wearing the freaking "fuck me" face *thud* one of my personal panty-exploding favorites!  Enjoy! ;)

Umm.....*gulp*....b-b-bad girl? *bites lip*


25 September 2009

Mail Order Offer!

Friday is finally here! Thank freakin god! I know this week has been cruel to a few lovely ladies , and I'll confess I've had better too! Lately, I've had to put on my big-girl pants and make certain choices & face/fix mistakes. It's been fucking awful and oddly liberating all at the same time, but  I need cheering up and am willing to mail out random but lovely British goodies in return for some Perk-Me-Up-Rob.....photoshopped creations and the like! When it comes to The Pattz I love it all - super sweet or downright dirty, and I adore the funnies too!  Anything? Anyone? *squeak* Please?

24 September 2009

Random musings...

Cooee!!! It's that time again!

So kicking things off with The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus who I LOVE at the moment! Especially "Seventeen Ain't So Sweet"....an I think they may be right.....unless of course your Bella Swan hookin up with Edward too-damn-sexy-for-Forks Cullen, in which case being 17 would be pretty goddamn peachy!!  

I whipped up a batch of my Double Death choccy muffins tonight..... Marie I can see you licking the screen! You missed a bit sweetie - to your left! *wink*  Plenty to go round to my speshal girlies!

Nom nom noms!

This week's snack of choice has been...

Snacky Goodness

And last but not totes not least, an introduction of sorts! I'm gonna share some family ties with you. My asstard older brother wants 5 minutes of fame on (and I quote)  "that bloggy nerd teccy-shit thing" Yes he's always been that eloquent & literate *snort* With a physical age of 28 and a mental age of 10 his game tactics are dirty - we did a trade off!! I've stuck his thug-mug on my blog in return for 5 whole days free of his practical jokes and mad prank calling skilz!  It's a comply-or-die situation, an I may be small but I can be evil! Seriously, we all know the saying "strength in numbers", but although he is my only sibling, I know for a fact he is all I will ever need. He has my back, I have his, and he is my Emmett -  man-muscles, huge humour and the biggest heart I'll ever know. He is one big fucking eternal sunny smile and I'll be damned if I don't love him for it! *sniffle*

Chris - and yes he picked the caption! *rolls eyes*

Christophe the Great

21 September 2009

Post of rage!!


Hmm.  Feels slightly better. So, turns out today was a bollocky day! Work was stress in a confined space, my bank suck ass for reasons I won't go in to, and to top it all off a certain movie company have decided to give the finger to the U.K and deprive us of a New Moon Premiere. Well thanks a fucking bunch you tight-assed, Rpattz hoarding, fun stealing bunch of dickheads! I am British and I am pissed!! *stamps foot* I wanted a premiere you a-holes! Why are you being so mean! *pout* And why is it always the U.K that misses out on the good shit? I just wanted Rob to come home dammit!

In a visual summary....I look and feel like Fluffy right about now!



On a more positive note, the track list for New Moon has finally been released! I won't post it in full to avoid spoiling what some may be keeping as a surprise for themselves, but you can check it out over at
Stephenie Meyer's site.  If Death Cab's contribution is anything to go by then the soundtrack is going to be freakin spanktastic!! (thrown in for the non Death Cab Cutie in my life! I lobbers her!) 

And speaking of music..(my content flow is good today no?)...I wrote a little song today for a very spesh laydee in my life...the fabulous and much loved Marie! It was short, sweet, and went a little something like this...*clears throat, strums geetar & sings* ..There was a week that was terribly horrid & mean, so the awesome Marie licked it clean...it tried to get down the lovely M-Girl, so she worked that tongue in to a killer swirl.  Down with the crap week, how dare you be mean to the bestest most beautimus screen licking laundry queen!

Speaking of speshal laydees, me & my beloved Bitches decided to set up shop last week....



And finally a tiny but important reflection. I started this blog in back August because I was stumbling on so many that made me think "wowzers!" and I wanted to give it a go - you don't try you don't know right? I thought I would suck, and this blog isn't up there with the best of them by any means, but I am touched to have gained followers after starting out with none and the fantastic comments excite me no end!! Please keep them coming! So... to the ones brave enough to follow me, to the ones crazy enough to tweet with me, and (especially) to those ladies who never cease to amaze me in the best way (thats you Ang, Cutie, FireCrotch, Bitches, Marie, sjAimee, Tasha, & Mrs V) thank you, thank you, thank you! *sniff* 

Now, I know I had a Kleenex here somewhere....*grin*

14 September 2009

BWP Continued...

So in honour of Bitches being gentle with me, and because I only got as far as P before, here is my Bristish Word Porn continued, running from S to Z!

Quid -  One pound sterling (and a British favorite!)
Rank - Disgusting, ugly
Shag -  To have sex! Fornication with Mr P Another British fave, this one always seems to get a laugh! 
Shit-faced - Drunk Me after Tequila
Skid lid - A motorcycle helmet.
Skive - Apparently "An evasion of one's tasks, a period of shirking" in otherwords being a lazy sod! 
Smashing - Excellent, brilliant, wonderful! "We had a smashing time looking at RobPorn".  Very old fashioned English and stereotypical of how most people think we actually speak!
Snaffle - One of my faves! Means to grab, seize or help yourself to things!
Snazzy - "Smart or attractive in an ostentatious way"
Smuggling Peanuts - A woman with naughty nipples! Think cold weather or arousing behaviour! *wink*
Snog - French kissy!! 
Sprog/Sproglet - A baby/small child. I always use "Kiddlywink(s)"
Spunk - Spermies/Jizz! Yes I've lowered the tone but it had to be done and we all know why! One word - "Ransom" Muwahaha!!  
Squidgey - Feeling soft, squashy or soggy.
Squillion -  Very large indefinite amount.
Swamp Donkey - Me Ugly person!
The Trots -  An upset/poorly tummy.  Less politely referred to as "The Shits"
Trolleys - Underwear, specifically knickers 
Todger - Betcha cant't guess this one? *smirk*
Whack off  - Male*cough*masturbation!

Erm...so yeah U, V, X, Y & Z were tricky!

13 September 2009

I want VMA Rob! And I want him noooooow!

I want to see the VMA's tonight.  But I have to wait until tomorrow night. That sucks ass. A lot. *sulk*

You there! *point* Yes yooou! Go and bask in the awesomeness of Why Not? Twilight, RPattz & Me.  I much love Ang! Along with 99 very wise peoples!

I have dusted down Rob's buttonfly my Twitter account! Follows would be nicey-pie! *bats eyelashes*

That is all!

11 September 2009

God Bless Chris Weitz

So I went to ROBsessed to check out the latest update....and to my genuine surprise there sat the latest trailer for New Moon....*shudder* It takes a lot to render me speechless but for the love of all that is holy....................it's just......well.........fuck.  Words fail me.

10 September 2009

Rule Britannia!

This song has been owning my ass for weeks now! And satisfyingly, the awesome Band of Skulls are Blighty boys! Home grown talent always makes me feel a little bit proud to be British, especially when a shitload of credit/recognition is given where rightly due.

However, as much as I may dig Band of Skulls right now, there is only one British export worthy of me donning a pair of Union Jack knickers and streaking outside the gates of Buckingham Palace - his holy hawtness that is RPattz! Nom nom nom! Although when it comes to Mr P my preference of course would be to go without the patriotic panties! *smirk*

Smut aside for a moment my loves (yes, v. hard to do when naughty RobPorn induced thoughts are near impossible!) my squishy little sentimental side kinda misses him! What with him being the worlds most in-demand guy an workin his (probably dirty) socks off, his schedule unsurpisingly takes him far to most excellent places, which is the coolest of beans for him.  But in vain, I nurse a silent slightly selfish plea that he will at some point remember his UK fans and eventually get that exquisite ass of his on a big shiny plane and come the hell home.  Amen!

In the meantime...

I payed my dealer
Ang a visit and played "Do, Dump, Marry" which was a fuckload of fun - a few tricky choices there!

I am awaiting the joy that is payday so that I can finally purchase me a Pocket Edward from Ebay. Whoot!  He shall be my companion and I shall love him and he shall come to work with me every day.

I go back to college next Tuesday to start an A Level in English Literature and panic at the thought is creeping in a little more each day! I enrolled on the course purely for recreational purposes and even paid a whack load for the priviledge! But I'm 25 and being taunted by the fact that I haven't been in an academic environment since I finished college in 2002! Going back for 32 weeks suddenly seems daunting...*gulp*

9 September 2009

Thanks to the lovely Tasha over at SLP my little birdy up there is no longer nameless - bestowed with the name Luther, making him extra cute! 

So 72 sleeps until New Moon! *squee* Plans are coming together for the night in question - Laura & Carrie are getting their "hood" on so we'll all be in matching hoodies for the awesomeness that will be 20 November! Unlike you lucky ducks in the U.S, there are no tickets on advanced sale yet *pout* the earliest will be 6 weeks before so needless to say I am being stealth-like in my mission to land said glorious tix for the first night, the prospect of which is almost enough to induce excitement triggered pant-peeing!   And seriously, Charlie Bucket thought his Willy Wonka Golden Ticket was the shit? Pssht!

I'm eating up fan fic like it's going out of fashion, I need more,  lots more!! Lemony ones! Recommendations? Please?

6 September 2009

Feeling a bit lame

*sigh* So the British summer this year has resembled bad sex - over in seconds, leaving you feeling cold, a little confused and very dissapointed!! But regardless, I have decided to cash in on my last few remaining days of annual leave entitlement and am now not due back in the office until Monday 14 September! *does the happy dance*  Still unsure as to what I will do with myself but I feel a wise way of spending time will be to blog, read blogs and indulge in more fan fic whilst eagerly waiting on updates from my faves! Throw in some junk food, a few good movies and the occasional jog and I will be a content little bunny! Getting up late is also conducive to my state of happiness!

I was today considering whether to abandon what seemed to be a sinking ship and cease the blogging or resort to some lame attempt at touting myself shamelessly. I didn't relish the thought of either, but I feared that no one actually reads my shit, therefore making me look hugely pointless! But then a small glimmer of hope appeared in the form of Tasha *Welcome* She has bravely joined my followings thus meaning that....

A) Fire Crotch is no longer alone!
B) Perhaps I'm not that bad after all...?

So big, warm, fuzzy thank you's to Fire Crotch & Tasha *grin*

And to Bottkins, who I know has been faithfully reading me, I missed you last week and I will miss you next week, you are super and I love you!


2 September 2009

Tweet tweet you sweet little Birdy!

So pointing out the obvious - a new layout! Very attached to the cute little birdy...I think he needs a name.  Suggestions welcome in the comments! :o)

After much hair puilling and a few expletives, I finally got the "Followers" widget to behave! All I need now are some lovely followers to keep Fire Crotch company! Pretty please? *angelic smile*

1 September 2009

Lunchtime Quickie!

Thanks to the very splendid Fire Crotch (the only one who loves me it seems!) for recommending the awesome "Clipped Wings & Inked Armor". I greedily conquered all 20 chapters and now I want more!!
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