19 November 2009

Almost there....


I believe that Kleenex, dry panties and consoling sugary snacks are essential to survive New Moon.  I am also hoping  that it will be a fuckwit free experience for us!  *strokes duct tape lovingly*

Soon my lovelies we shall all be rewarded for our devotion & patience with all that glorious big screen heartbreak we know is coming *sigh* Cutie, I truly wish I could be there to hold you and the fact I can't is making me anxious. *bites lip*

But know this. Tomorrow, when I am on the verge of either :-

a) hyperventilating in to a paper bag
b) sobbing so hard it hurts
c) jizzing with joy
d) complete hysterics

….I will be holding you all in my heart. It will surely be broken hard but I know I'll be ok. Why? Because you amazing & special ladies are better than all the fucking superglue in the world. I love you all dearly, I will feel your pain tomorrow and I will share your joy-jizzing. 

One more sleep to go. Sweet dreams y'all ;)

16 November 2009

Friday? What's happening on Friday?

New Moon is so damn close I can practically smell it!!!!


Is it like Christmas come early? Yes! Who the fuck needs Santa when you have The Weitz!

It's only Monday, but am I hyper? So much so that I'm scared to have any sugar this week!!

Will it get worse? Without a doubt!

Will I cry & snot? Like a goddamn baby!

Do I care? Newp! Couldn't give one!

Will I be taking Duct tape? Yes, industrial strength - the good shit!

Will you be using it? I sincerely hope not.....

.....All you spoiley & hatey peeps need to remember that we, the Twi fans, want a completely fuckwit free experience. We don't ask for much, so if you do insist on going and you dearly value your safety, then I recommend that you abide by the 3 S's.

Sit the hell down, Shut the fuck up & Suck it up bitches!

Ok so whilst here, I'm reckoning now would probably be a good time to tell you that I will be taking a breather from Twitter this week.  A few reasons for this really :-

To catch up on the many excellent fan fics listed in my favorites

To continue work on my own fanfic.  Yep, that's correct, I'm writing *blush* Those who may be curious can email for more deets :)

To try and avoid all the "Robsten" fuckery & general all-consuming hype which will   undoubtedly be tweeted to death! I don't want my last week of giddy anticipation to be tainted by it all *shrug*

Please don't think me anti-social!  Those who know me would tell you that I'm far from it, and trust me when I say it's usually quite difficult to shut me up!!  I will be on email all week so if you want me you can get me here :) I will try and post too!

No one will miss me, I know this, but it's not an abandonment of "Edward" proportions.  Volterra is not calling me, I will be back! Most likely Friday.......providing I havn't self imploded at the sheer force of my own excitement by then ;)

11 November 2009



At 11.00 am on 11 November 1918 the guns of the Western Front fell silent after more than four years continuous warfare.

To all of the fallen, who gave their today for our tomorrow, and to all of the men & women that continue to put their precious lives on the line every single day so that we can enjoy ours and love our families without fear or reprisal…..

"They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:
Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.
At the going down of the sun and in the morning
We will remember them."


8 November 2009

The Brits are biting back!

The post that lies before you has been born from a late night collaboration between myself and my Squishy - the lovely Emma over at Sparkle.  But don't be fooled - this is no ordinary joint post! Don't get us wrong, we love all our Twi-besties from across the pond, but every now and then we feel a little outnumbered! As fellow Brits, we decided to share a little with you all! Hold on to your seats ladies, you are about to be tag teamed UK style!!

We are reknowned for some typically British traits, like talking about the weather, queueing, moaning, rambling through the countryside, drinking tea to solve a problem, and maintaining a stiff upper lip at all times but we found no mention of Edward & Emmett loving twihards .....hmm....*shrug*

But we're proud to be British, so fuck the flag, we're doin it our way....... badass jacked-up chucks & no jolly awful pretentious language chaps!


1. Craptastic weather
Reknowned for our shitty climate, it is always cold, wet & freakin' gloomy! Actually, this place is a whole lot like Forks! Just as green & wet, but we've yet to find the super hot vampires!

Em: Even though Volvos are stalking me...
Bex: Uh...no...thats just me...*waggles eyebrows*

2. We are an Island
Busting this joint involves either flying or taking a boat trip, both of which, when done in above mentioned  weather, can make for a very bumpy ride! Hold on to your stomaches & sick bags!

3. No Hot Topic stores
We consider ourselves to be highly deprived of excellent Twi merch & glossy mags! We Brits sometimes feel forgotton and often overlooked (like no UK Premiere!) and we think this sucks saggy balls! *pout*

4. We do not all talk like Mr Darcy & Elizabeth Bennett
Our language has evolved since Jane Austen got all hot & bothered and, contrary to popular belief, we don't all have the typical accent they seem to love using in movies! Accents here are regional, with Newcastle, Liverpool, Birmingham & the South West sporting some of the most interesting! I myself am a Devonshire girl and thankfully was not blessed with our fuckawful accent! If your curious to know just how fucking awful then I highly recommend you check this vid out for a laugh.....

Em: Though I kinda have a bit of the liverpool twang when it comes to my accent. It's unnoticeable unless I leave my little place...
Bex: So can I start calling you twangy-tits now?
Em:  NO! I have enough nicknames thankyouverymuch!
Bex: Fine, I'll use TT for short! Bwuahaha!

5. Traditional English Noms
Bangers & mash, Sunday roast dinners, full English brekkies, Cornish pasties and cream teas are all freakin nommy but the best by far is a bag of fish & chips! Unbeatable when eaten on a cold & windy seafront, straight from the paper, covered in a bucketload of salt & vinegar!

Em: Mmmm fish n chips... now I'm hungry, bitch!
Bex: Shaddup! I'm always hungry! *sigh*

6. The Royal Family
Prominant throughout history and mostly admired by the older generation, the British Monarchy can be a bit dull. Unless of course you're the Willmeister & Hazzmat, who land helipcopters in their girlfriend's gardens and lurch out of clubs in the early hours of the morning!  Frankly I'm not fussed much but I'd fucking love to see the Queen showing off Buckingham Palace on MTV Cribs! "This is wear the magic happens......" *snort*  Badass pad, no?

Em: I wonder how the postman gets in....
Bex: Must be weird when she gets her mail....seeing her face staring back at her on all those stamps! *snigger*


7. Marmite
A dark brown-colored savory spread made from yeast extract. Usually put on to bread or toast, it has a very strong salty flavor (yeah I'm still talkin about the Marmite here!) and is reknowned for being either totally loved or utterly hated! No one sits on the fence and I fucking hate it!!! It's vile! *gag*

Em: Ugh! Marmite... my appatite's just abandoned me!
Bex: Good, that means more chips for me! Noms!

8. English Literature
The likes of William Shakespere, Jane Austen, Charlotte & Emily Bronte, D.H. Lawrence & Charles Dickens, to name just a few, have written some of the greatest shizz of all time, and some of the most popular authors of the 20th centuary carry on their awesome work!

Em: Hell, even our beloved Twilight was written based along the lines of Romeo and Juliet.
Bex: Yes it was! Wouldn't it be embarrasing if people nicknamed him Willy Shakey? *snort*  Edward, Edward, where for art thou sparkly, cold Edward? *sigh*

9. Fucking awesome music
Ok, so we're not known for being great with our movies, but you cannot deny that some of the greatest musical talent has come from our shores! The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Who, Muse, RadioHead, Oasis, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Band of Skulls, U2, The Cure, The Smiths, Morrissey, Happy Mondays, Coldplay, The Stone Roses.....you get the picture!

Now there are a ton of things we dearly love about Britain, and though we have only touched on a few, we have undoubtedly saved the very best until last! Although no words are really needed to introduce our most loved of them all, we do have a small plea.......

10. Miles away from that heartbreaking smile.... *sniff*


Rob, we miss you, please come home!

We'll even resort to bribary....



Em: I'll buy you all the hot pockets and beer you could ever want. Hell ,I can even drive you places if you so wish! Just please come back to our rainy little island. Pretty please with hot pockets on top? (What the fuck are hot pockets?)
Bex: Some microwavable savory snack that probably goes all soggy an shit? I haz no idea.....maybe he'd prefer a cheezeburger.....*shrug*  I just wanna know how hot his pockets are! *dirty smirk* I'm not even going to mention bangers.....

And finally, to all of our tweeties & bloggy friends who are far, far away; the time difference is utter fuckery, but we heart you all and we miss you lots <3

Em: And look forward to maybe meeting you in the future, all in the name of Twilight!
Bex: Is that why you love my body? In the name of Twilight?
Em:  Well I thought that was kinda obvious....


5 November 2009

Health & Safety Warning: Do not fiddle with gunpowder!

Look who's getting post-happy this week ;)

Today's post however has purpose! It's in recognition of one my most favourite British events! Here in Blighty, 5th November is known as Guy Fawkes Night (aka Bonfire Night).

Like most traditions, it comes complete with a weird ye olde english type rhyme that is undoubtedly the focus of 100's of history lessons taking place in UK classrooms today. I however, can only ever remember the first 2 lines as my education apparently failed me! So I did the next best thing - I googled that sucker!!

"Remember, remember the Fifth of November,
The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,
I know of no reason
Why the Gunpowder Treason
Should ever be forgot.
Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent
To blow up the King and Parli'ment.
Three-score barrels of powder below
To prove old England's overthrow;
By God's providence he was catch'd (or by God's mercy)
With a dark lantern and burning match.
Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring. (Holla)
Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!"

Now Wiki says….

Guy Fawkes Night is an annual celebration on the evening of 5 November. It marks the downfall of the Gunpowder Plot of 5 November 1605, in which a number of Catholic conspirators, including Guy Fawkes, attempted to blow up the Houses of Parliament, in London, United Kingdom. He was to be hung, drawn and quarted but Fawkes, weakened by his torture, was the last to climb the ladder to the gallows, from which he jumped, breaking his neck in the fall and thus avoiding the latter part of his execution.

But I decided to tell you the story in my own speshal & unique way *smirk* So I say....

In 1605 there lived some badass fuckers. One of these was a rebellious dude with a funky name who got all cocky and tried to blow shit up with a fuckload of gunpowder. It was an epic fail because some other dude decided to be a tattling douchebag & wrote a super secret douchey letter which got his stupid ass busted! He was supposed to be hung but he opted for the "fairwell & fuck you" gesture of doing it himself - asstard!  Now we use all this fuckery as an excuse to make scary man-doll mofo's, burn them on a bonfire & let off off some pretty nifty freakin fireworks. All while freezing our titties/balls off outside in Englands shitty November climate.

*grin* Little Kiddlywinks get wrapped up warm and love pretty fireworks, although the oldies with heart conditions aren’t so keen! Men all discover their inner pyro when they see a bonfire, going all caveman on our ass & burning anything that isn't nailed down. Throw in a crapload of alcohol & outdoorsy food like baked potato, beans & sausages and everyones a winner!

Now I personally am all about the fireworks! That’s right, I'm totes not ashamed to admit that I'm with the kids on that one! But however you choose to celebrate Bonfire night, remember this :- it's not the size of your rocket that counts, it's the angle of the launch & the force of it's explosion ;) Scarf, hat & mittens not required, however spare panties might be wise. *smirk*


Yes baby.....yes I do!  What's a girl gotta do to get a ride on the RobRocket? *wink wink*

3 November 2009

Bend me over & take me in Tokyo!

Happy Tuesday folks!

Keeping it quite light for y'all tonight.......and yes, I am totes aware that I just said "Y'all" even though I'm a Brit (Gov'na) ....so whatcha gonna do? Sue me? *smirk*

Also, you may be relieved to know that now she's had her say, the emo imposter who hijacked the last post has been locked in the nearest closet! Please don't let her out!

Will it ever stop fucking raining!! Wait...this is England.....what a dumbass question! Of course it won't! *smirk*


London on a good day! Hope you packed light! Mwuahaha! 

Now, before we get to some Robby goodness, I must share something very important with you all, and I do this for your own good, so look sharp & listen up!! Are you paying attention? Ok then....*scrambles up on to her soap box*

The very bombastic Cutie over at SSTB has kick-started the most fuckawesome campaign to make it known that every Twilighter wants to be able to enjoy a fuckwit-free New Moon experience! Not only do we want this, but we deserve it. We are the oil in a very big corporate franchise machine and working together is mutually benefical - they get their overflowing pots of gold. We get something we consider just as valuable.  We get our film.  A beautiful visual interpretation of the books we love. A chance to see everything we imagined and more on the big screen.  So to those of you who fully intend to turn up and...

sing, shout, laugh or talk over the film
scream at ear piercing volumn
hate on Twilight with hatey friends
bitch, moan & whine about every little detail
or generally take the piss....

.... my advice to you is simply this.  DON'T!


You've been warned fuckers!!!  For those who want to join the campaign, get more deets or grab a banner for your blog/site then please go visit Cutie here

Now.....on to Tokyo *grin* and the reason behind my request *wink* You see, it all started out perfectly innocent....


*waves back* Well Hey, Hello, Hi there Cutie! Don't you look nommy in that suit!


Now sugar you know I love it when you smile, but when you laugh......fuck! *melts*


Sweet jesus thankyouverymuch! Hand......hair......touching...*thud* It surely can't get better than that....right?

WRONG! So very wrong....*sigh*


Oh reeeeally? Right here, right now? Over the...? You dirty, dirty boy!!! But you don't need to ask me twice *waggles eyebrows*


Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna dooooo! Rob & The Weitz looking both looking very dapper!

So it's goodbye from them and see your ass later from me! ;)

I freakin love Tokyo....*sigh*


1 November 2009

Off my chest....on a personal note...

Ok now just for the record, I'm a very firm believer in Sunday being a day of rest.....and fuck do I love Sundays! It's the perfect day for sleeping in, lazy sex, eating too much, watching crap tv, doing the grocery shop in yoga pants and Uggs, taking an extra 5 minutes in the bath/shower, finishing that book, taking a walk, getting an early night, & having the breakfast you never have time to make/eat during the week.  Sounds great right? Who'd pass up on that?  I know I have....

We all miss out and most of the time I doubt we even realise we're doing it.  We never take time out of our busy week to stop and sit back, just for a second, and reflect on....well....everything.  If it's not work it's family and if it's not family then it's friends. Stress, pressure, deadlines, complaints, demands.  Things to remember, people to please, places to be. *sigh*

Do you ever wonder what would happen if you just slowed the fuck down? If you turned off the blackberry for an hour? If you had that damn doughnut, wore those goofy slippers, let the kids get their clothes dirty, took that lunch break and left the housework until tomorrow? 

Last week, I found out that Alzheimer's disease is the most common cause of dementia, affecting around 417,000 people in the UK, for which there is currently no cure.  My Gran is warm, selfless, kind & good, with an overwhelming capacity to love & to give. I also found out that she is one of those 417,000 people. She is the most beautiful person I have and next year she might not even know who I am.

Some of the very best things in life are free. Don't take them for granted.  Say I love you, even if your scared shitless, even if they might not fucking remember it tomorrow.


"Flower, God Bless you and keep you safe" - Taken from a letter to me.  The handwriting is my Grans.

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