The post that lies before you has been born from a late night collaboration between myself and my Squishy - the lovely Emma over at Sparkle. But don't be fooled - this is no ordinary joint post! Don't get us wrong, we love all our Twi-besties from across the pond, but every now and then we feel a little outnumbered! As fellow Brits, we decided to share a little with you all! Hold on to your seats ladies, you are about to be tag teamed UK style!!
We are reknowned for some typically British traits, like talking about the weather, queueing, moaning, rambling through the countryside, drinking tea to solve a problem, and maintaining a stiff upper lip at all times but we found no mention of Edward & Emmett loving twihards .....hmm....*shrug*
But we're proud to be British, so fuck the flag, we're doin it our way....... badass jacked-up chucks & no jolly awful pretentious language chaps!
We are reknowned for some typically British traits, like talking about the weather, queueing, moaning, rambling through the countryside, drinking tea to solve a problem, and maintaining a stiff upper lip at all times but we found no mention of Edward & Emmett loving twihards .....hmm....*shrug*
But we're proud to be British, so fuck the flag, we're doin it our way....... badass jacked-up chucks & no jolly awful pretentious language chaps!
Reknowned for our shitty climate, it is always cold, wet & freakin' gloomy! Actually, this place is a whole lot like Forks! Just as green & wet, but we've yet to find the super hot vampires!
Em: Even though Volvos are stalking me...
Em: Even though Volvos are stalking me...
Bex: Uh...no...thats just me...*waggles eyebrows*
2. We are an Island
2. We are an Island
Busting this joint involves either flying or taking a boat trip, both of which, when done in above mentioned weather, can make for a very bumpy ride! Hold on to your stomaches & sick bags!
3. No Hot Topic stores
3. No Hot Topic stores
We consider ourselves to be highly deprived of excellent Twi merch & glossy mags! We Brits sometimes feel forgotton and often overlooked (like no UK Premiere!) and we think this sucks saggy balls! *pout*
4. We do not all talk like Mr Darcy & Elizabeth Bennett
4. We do not all talk like Mr Darcy & Elizabeth Bennett
Our language has evolved since Jane Austen got all hot & bothered and, contrary to popular belief, we don't all have the typical accent they seem to love using in movies! Accents here are regional, with Newcastle, Liverpool, Birmingham & the South West sporting some of the most interesting! I myself am a Devonshire girl and thankfully was not blessed with our fuckawful accent! If your curious to know just how fucking awful then I highly recommend you check this vid out for a laugh.....
Em: Though I kinda have a bit of the liverpool twang when it comes to my accent. It's unnoticeable unless I leave my little place...
Bex: So can I start calling you twangy-tits now?
Em: NO! I have enough nicknames thankyouverymuch!
Bex: Fine, I'll use TT for short! Bwuahaha!
5. Traditional English Noms
5. Traditional English Noms
Bangers & mash, Sunday roast dinners, full English brekkies, Cornish pasties and cream teas are all freakin nommy but the best by far is a bag of fish & chips! Unbeatable when eaten on a cold & windy seafront, straight from the paper, covered in a bucketload of salt & vinegar!
Em: Mmmm fish n chips... now I'm hungry, bitch!
Em: Mmmm fish n chips... now I'm hungry, bitch!
Bex: Shaddup! I'm always hungry! *sigh*
6. The Royal Family
6. The Royal Family
Prominant throughout history and mostly admired by the older generation, the British Monarchy can be a bit dull. Unless of course you're the Willmeister & Hazzmat, who land helipcopters in their girlfriend's gardens and lurch out of clubs in the early hours of the morning! Frankly I'm not fussed much but I'd fucking love to see the Queen showing off Buckingham Palace on MTV Cribs! "This is wear the magic happens......" *snort* Badass pad, no?
Em: I wonder how the postman gets in....
Em: I wonder how the postman gets in....
Bex: Must be weird when she gets her mail....seeing her face staring back at her on all those stamps! *snigger*
A dark brown-colored savory spread made from yeast extract. Usually put on to bread or toast, it has a very strong salty flavor (yeah I'm still talkin about the Marmite here!) and is reknowned for being either totally loved or utterly hated! No one sits on the fence and I fucking hate it!!! It's vile! *gag*
Em: Ugh! Marmite... my appatite's just abandoned me!
Em: Ugh! Marmite... my appatite's just abandoned me!
Bex: Good, that means more chips for me! Noms!
8. English Literature
8. English Literature
The likes of William Shakespere, Jane Austen, Charlotte & Emily Bronte, D.H. Lawrence & Charles Dickens, to name just a few, have written some of the greatest shizz of all time, and some of the most popular authors of the 20th centuary carry on their awesome work!
Em: Hell, even our beloved Twilight was written based along the lines of Romeo and Juliet.
Em: Hell, even our beloved Twilight was written based along the lines of Romeo and Juliet.
Bex: Yes it was! Wouldn't it be embarrasing if people nicknamed him Willy Shakey? *snort* Edward, Edward, where for art thou sparkly, cold Edward? *sigh*
9. Fucking awesome music
Ok, so we're not known for being great with our movies, but you cannot deny that some of the greatest musical talent has come from our shores! The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Who, Muse, RadioHead, Oasis, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Band of Skulls, U2, The Cure, The Smiths, Morrissey, Happy Mondays, Coldplay, The Stone Roses.....you get the picture!
Now there are a ton of things we dearly love about Britain, and though we have only touched on a few, we have undoubtedly saved the very best until last! Although no words are really needed to introduce our most loved of them all, we do have a small plea.......
10. Miles away from that heartbreaking smile.... *sniff*
Now there are a ton of things we dearly love about Britain, and though we have only touched on a few, we have undoubtedly saved the very best until last! Although no words are really needed to introduce our most loved of them all, we do have a small plea.......
10. Miles away from that heartbreaking smile.... *sniff*
Em: I'll buy you all the hot pockets and beer you could ever want. Hell ,I can even drive you places if you so wish! Just please come back to our rainy little island. Pretty please with hot pockets on top? (What the fuck are hot pockets?)
Bex: Some microwavable savory snack that probably goes all soggy an shit? I haz no idea.....maybe he'd prefer a cheezeburger.....*shrug* I just wanna know how hot his pockets are! *dirty smirk* I'm not even going to mention bangers.....
And finally, to all of our tweeties & bloggy friends who are far, far away; the time difference is utter fuckery, but we heart you all and we miss you lots <3
Em: And look forward to maybe meeting you in the future, all in the name of Twilight!
And finally, to all of our tweeties & bloggy friends who are far, far away; the time difference is utter fuckery, but we heart you all and we miss you lots <3
Em: And look forward to maybe meeting you in the future, all in the name of Twilight!
Bex: Is that why you love my body? In the name of Twilight?
Em: Well I thought that was kinda obvious....
7 comments:
Hey there! Did you know I actually spent a summer in England when I was in college. And my brother went to The College of St. Mark and St. John in Plymouth for a year and was on the plate championship rugby team. I came to visit him there when I was 14. Just thought I would share my connection to the brits.
Love it, if for nothing else, we will always thank England for the precious!!!
I didn't think the "fuckaweful" accent was too bad, but, I'm a west coast yank with no accent and am jealz of ANY accent out there (well, other than when a southern accent gets so thick you can't understand a dang thing!)
Well, as a German I sure as hell can compete when it comes to the weather and the lack of twi merch. We're fucked, 'nuff said.
And, as a German I don't give a shit about accents. What accents??
Someone said that at the end of the scene in Twilight when Rob invited Bella to his place, he was switching back to his brit accent - our US bloggy friends laughed their asses off.
I watched that scene about ten times and listened real hard - I didn't notice a thing.
Kudos to you two...your little island deserves a pedestal of its own for producing such fabulous mancandy/jawporn as showcased on the lovely RPatz. Us twi-hards across the pond are forever intended to you for that ;) So if you ever make it over to our neck of the woods you'll have plenty of friendly faces waiting for you :)
And I'm from the mid-west/great lakes area (Cleveland, OH) so while we're not quite as rainy, we get our fair share of winter...I like to think of it as Denali - maybe Edward (or Emmett) will visit ;)
I told you I am moving in with you. THIS post just solidified these feelings...
What are bangers?
I love you two, that is all.
Dear Bex and Em,
I have ALWAYS wanted to be British. *blushes* Not gonna lie, like BAD really really really fucking bad. And I couldn't tell you why... it's more then the accent, which I adore I know it makes me retarded but I do... sorry... I don't have a "fake one" I'm to lame and would never try. *shrugs* I have a random New York one at times and it kills me... what was I saying? Oh yes... it's more then that. The music (top notch), the food (GOOD LORD!!! Bangers and Mash and Fish and Chips *drools*) and tea ALWAYS makes the day better and it's too damn bad I've never had a real cup of it! Literature I adore. The beauty of your Island (fyi I was born on one too. ;) ). Long before Twilight I wanted to be from the UK but then Mr. P came to be and... I WANT IT BAD!!! Sooo we might out # you but who the hell cares. In my book you are WAY more awesome. The end.
Oh and hot pockets are meh. I mean they are okay, I guess... I still don't understand his dirty obsession with them. And why drink a Heineken when you can have a Tetleys or an Old Speckled Hen!?!??! This blows my mind frankly.
Um.. I'm rambling. The End.
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