I most fucking definately saw sparks...

Firstly, I'm sorry for sucking bloggy ass and not updating on a regular basis but I am still very much alive, kicking & currently stuffing my face with lunch.

So as I sit here and ponder over my chicken sandwich (with extra mayo fyi), I know that some of you will not be surprised by the topic of today's post.

Can you guess? Go on, try!  How about a hint?

Loch Ness(ie) Monster? No...

Tartan fetish perhaps? No...

A heated debated about Haggis? Wrong again...

A tribute to Braveheart? *snort* Fuck no!!!

It is a tribute though.....and I'm wondering how many of you fanfic lovers have me sussed!

I'm talking about something better than all of the whiskey in Scotland.  Someone whose bagpipes I am dying to get hold of, someone whose kilt I would peek up like a naughty school girl.  Someone whose sporran I would lovingly pet.

I'm talking about Kiltward. *sigh*  but I have been quiet for long enough! I became overwhelmed with the rather urgent need to profess my unwavering love for him using blogger as my vessil of declaration!  He was created and is owned by ElusiveKoolaid, fic writer extroidinaire and all round amazing lady. 

For those not in the know, I shall enlighten! Elusive is a gem, the absolute diamond of all diamonds. She is execeptional in many, many ways, one of which is her talent for the written word.  She writes, and she does it beautifully.  She also deserves a lifetime supply of Iron Bru for putting up with my whiney needy ass tweeting her incessently about my love for the tattooed, fuck-haired god she created and so generously shared with us.  In summary, I love the very bones of her. 

Now if you have read her (very first ever) fic "The Rain Season" then all this should be making sense to you. If you haven't then you should be reading it instead of this! Let me help with a little nudge in the right direction....

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5249534/1/

Don't come back until your finished!!

Now I will share with the rest of you the 2 exact, precise moments I fell head over heels....

Heartstopping moment #1

"Hey…" she continued to whimper the word no over and over again. I don't know why, but seeing her so distressed touched something in me. I shook her again but she still didn't open her eyes. I leaned down really close to her ear, smelling her sweet scent, and said quietly, "Wake up, sweetheart."

Suddenly she opened her eyes and looked directly into mine.

"Are you awake?" I watched her brows furrow and listened to her breathing start to calm, "I heard you across the hall. Are you alright?"

Alright? Alright? No I'm not freaking alright! You just strolled on in here and deaded me with your bed hair, velvet voice and unfaultering compassion! I am now an incoherant, hearting, bumbling, lusting, puppy dog eyed mess! You rendered me speechless (not an easy task & probably for the best!) and I no longer have eyes for another. I have a big squishy heart which had turned from pink to tartan and there is no going back. 

Oh Kilty, Kilty, Kilty what have you done.

Heartstopping moment #2

"The sun had sliced in from the window in my room and all I wanted to do was fucking die or kill who ever the fuck decided to make single malt scotch in the first place. Even my hair fucking hurt. After laying in bed waiting for the room to stop spinning, I had decided to make a grand fucking bloodshot entrance and eventually did so, cigarette bobbing out of my mouth, bare chested and bare footed into the kitchen."

Elusive once asked me what my favourite thing about Kiltward was. I refrained from blurting out "everything!" and instead I answered sincerely.  I told her that, in my eyes, he was a walking contradiction, and that I loved him madly for it.

So imagine my utter dispair when on 20 February 2010 Elusive posted the Epilogue to The Rain Season. It was over, finished, done, fin.  I packed my bags and moved in to the Heartbreak Hotel, my heart heavy and my check out date unknown.  I read, re-read and triple re-read, yet it never felt the same. *dabs at tears*  

Today I have recommended, gushed, & bared my fragile (yes fragile!) little soul. And now I'm going to beg & plead. I will drop to my knees and grovel at his feet. Come back Kilty... come back. Love me with those wicked green flames, let me smoosh you with all my tiny might!

Of all the _wards in all the fics in all the world, you are the only one I'd run away to Gretna Green with and I miss the fuck out of you.

<3

Beware! This post contains shameless self-pimping!!

For those of you who don't know already, I have entered my first fic contest! I was a little daunted at the prospect, however the chosen contest topic of "FML" really was too much for me to resist and so I penned my one shot entry - "High risk heavy petting: The dangers of dry humping!"  The lovely Yogagal, Zigster, Chicklette and SorceressCirce are MC'ing the contest over at FanFiction.net and you can find out all the info here .

If you would like to read my entry, you can find it on my FanFiction.net profile here.  It can also be found in the contest community here along with all the other entries. To skip all the fandango and go straight to the story then just click here

Due to a whopping 70 entries, the voting will be dones as follows.....

• 
  
  18th February to 24th February - First Round of Open Voting featuring 35 stories 

• 
  
  25th February to 3rd March - Second Round of Open Voting featuring 35 stories 

• 
  
  4th March to 10 March - Final Round of Open Voting featuring twenty stories (the top ten from each of the preliminary rounds)

My story will feature in the second round of open voting, the dates for which are 25th February - 3rd March 

I have some tough judges to impress in the JSR (Judge's Selection Round) and would be super happy just to make it through to the final round of open voting, so I will be keeping my fingers & toes tightly crossed! And maybe my legs for extra luck! ;)

If you'd like to vote for me then you can do it by visiting the contest's profile page over at FanFiction.net, which is here,  between 25th February - 3rd March.  To place your vote just use the poll at the very top of the page.  Easy peasy right? :)

And that, my pretties, is the end of my indulgent self pimping, my frequent "here" links and my shameless abuse of the bold function!

Oh, and for any peoples reading this who are confused, or perhaps not so in the know, FML means Fuck my life....

So yo yo yiggtty fucking yo!

Thinking of a themed wedding? Well think again!!!

Time for some light hearted, humorous fuckery! If you don't like either then please look away NOW!

So as per usual, I was spending my time productively on Twitter, and the lovely Emma was puffy hearting over some wedding gownage. A little chat with Megs, some stupendous googling and mad photoshop skillz later, the idea for this post was borned! And so I asked myself....if I could marry Rob, what kind of wedding would I choose?

Now as any wedded folks would know, vows are super important, so I worked on those first and decided to go all fusion on your asses and mix modern with traditional.....

Bride (thats's KStew me)
I Bex, take thee Rob, to be my lawfully hawtsex husband. To have and to grope, for better or for screwed, for richer or for sex hair, in sparkle peen and in health, to love and to jaw lick....

Groom (Robbykins)
I Rob, take thee Bex, to be my lawfully fine assed wife. To have and to spank, for better or for totally fucked, for richer or for free Ray Bans, in weight gain and in health, to love and to impregnate....

So yes, vows are the whole point of a wedding, but we alll know that everyone's eyes are on his prize the outfits. Themes seem pretty popular........

How about a mash up of Robin Hood & Harry Potter?



Uhh darling, did you invite Hedwig?
No but I bet you can't catch my Golden Snitch....I'm going to give it to the poor!

No? Ok...how a vampish goth affair?



Uh....is this some kind of sick joke?
No! My lawyer's even agreed to change our names to Edward & Bella.....

How about a tribute to my beloved Kiltward?


  

"I fucking love tartan Bex!"

Perhaps some meringue for the Bride?



Da da!!!!!!! Isn't it speshal & precious?

But every Bride & Groom needs a Best Man & a Maid of Honour



My what a big gun you have.....now tie me up, fucker!!

N.B - That's Meg "donning" the kinky Mafia "Carlisle's Bitch" ensemble.

And now we come to the end and I've made my descision. Your theme should be something you know well, something you love, something you would never tire of, something you feel.....a connection too *sniff* So based on that criteria, I've chosen my theme, and I've chosen well.......



"Wow your shorts are like especially gold today. 
My mom uses color safe bleach..."

I love Juno, I love Rob, and if I could answer my phone at work with "Yo yo yoiggady yo" without getting my ass busted then I totally fucking would!!

Very small disclaimer  - This post is in no way intended to be a belittling of the scared institution that is marriage, so wedded peeps - please be not taking offence. 
Grazie!

To the Batcave bitches!!!

At 3.00 today I hauled ass in to a meeting.  Whilst in said meeting, unbeknown to me, pure awesomeness was being lovingly hand crafted for me by a work colleague who shall remain nameless due to her super creative but highly innappropriate use of office supplies. *snigger* The above mentioned awesomeness was awaiting me when I got back to my desk, having been sneakily placed there in stealth ninja manouvres.

For all those times when work kicks your ass and you feel a breakdown brewing, there are days & colleagues like this - something little makes it all fucking worthwhile!!

Meg goes topperless!

I'm back bitches!!!! No your eyes do not decieve you, it's really me! Super sowwies for the lack of bloggage, things have been busy and messy and just generally a bit crazy but I hope I can be forgiven...pleasers?

So today's agenda *taps clipboard* Let us begin with the "Box of Joy".

Today was......well quite frankly shit ,to say the least! However upon arriving home on this cold, dark, rainy, typically British eve, I discovered a box waiting for me from my Meg. Now the aptly dubbed Box of Joy was an expected but much anticipated arrival.

 

It all began back in December when she blogged about her Christmas tree and it's spanky decorations here

Scrolling down, something beautimous & sparkly caught my eye (no, it wasn't Edward!) It was one of Meg's magnificant home made crafty creations, which we swiftly dubbed the "Rob Topper"...




So Christmas was over and the tree got burned, but what was the fate of the Rob Topper? What became of it? ....

Thats right sweeties, it was mailed, with love, to meeeeee!!! I admired it from afar and so it embarked on an atlantic journey, travelling for thousand's of miles.  But it did not wander lonely as a cloud, oh no! It arrived with companions!!

 

Noms & New Moon merch!!!

For those of you who spotted the Toblerone above; it was sent as token of our mutual love for the amazing  "Emancipation Proclaimation" (a fiction by kharizzmatik) Those who have read or are reading it will understand the significance of the very triangular choc *grin*

And the best for last......serious! Custom shirts!!!



Home made shirt just for Bexy #1.  Yes, I love spanks and yes Meg & I have a Batcave........ 

 

....for dastardly plotting and general fuckery ;) Annnnnnnnd on to Home made shirt just for Bexy #2 which has a smexin front.....



....and a very spesh word on the back.....(which was made up and tweeted in a moment of madness by myself!)



A jizzity word and a jizzity pic on a jizzity shirt! It doesn't get any jizzier than that!!!!

So thank you Meggles.  For my Box of Joy, and for being my friend, my cupmegcake.  You are the color safe bleach to my especially gold shorts and I love your Southern ass!! Lit'rally.....<3