Today I feel Infinite...

I most fucking definately saw sparks...

2010-05-14T15:17:00.001+01:00

Firstly, I'm sorry for sucking bloggy ass and not updating on a regular basis but I am still very much alive, kicking & currently stuffing my face with lunch.

So as I sit here and ponder over my chicken sandwich (with extra mayo fyi), I know that some of you will not be surprised by the topic of today's post.

Can you guess? Go on, try! How about a hint?

Loch Ness(ie) Monster? No...

Tartan fetish perhaps? No...

A heated debated about Haggis? Wrong again...

A tribute to Braveheart? *snort* Fuck no!!!

It is a tribute though.....and I'm wondering how many of you fanfic lovers have me sussed!

I'm talking about something better than all of the whiskey in Scotland. Someone whose bagpipes I am dying to get hold of, someone whose kilt I would peek up like a naughty school girl. Someone whose sporran I would lovingly pet.

I'm talking about Kiltward. *sigh* but I have been quiet for long enough! I became overwhelmed with the rather urgent need to profess my unwavering love for him using blogger as my vessil of declaration! He was created and is owned by ElusiveKoolaid, fic writer extroidinaire and all round amazing lady.

For those not in the know, I shall enlighten! Elusive is a gem, the absolute diamond of all diamonds. She is execeptional in many, many ways, one of which is her talent for the written word. She writes, and she does it beautifully. She also deserves a lifetime supply of Iron Bru for putting up with my whiney needy ass tweeting her incessently about my love for the tattooed, fuck-haired god she created and so generously shared with us. In summary, I love the very bones of her.

Now if you have read her (very first ever) fic "The Rain Season" then all this should be making sense to you. If you haven't then you should be reading it instead of this! Let me help with a little nudge in the right direction....

http://www.fanfiction.net/s/5249534/1/

Don't come back until your finished!!

Now I will share with the rest of you the 2 exact, precise moments I fell head over heels....

Heartstopping moment #1

"Hey…" she continued to whimper the word no over and over again. I don't know why, but seeing her so distressed touched something in me. I shook her again but she still didn't open her eyes. I leaned down really close to her ear, smelling her sweet scent, and said quietly, "Wake up, sweetheart."

Suddenly she opened her eyes and looked directly into mine.

"Are you awake?" I watched her brows furrow and listened to her breathing start to calm, "I heard you across the hall. Are you alright?"

Alright? Alright? No I'm not freaking alright! You just strolled on in here and deaded me with your bed hair, velvet voice and unfaultering compassion! I am now an incoherant, hearting, bumbling, lusting, puppy dog eyed mess! You rendered me speechless (not an easy task & probably for the best!) and I no longer have eyes for another. I have a big squishy heart which had turned from pink to tartan and there is no going back.

Oh Kilty, Kilty, Kilty what have you done.

Heartstopping moment #2

"The sun had sliced in from the window in my room and all I wanted to do was fucking die or kill who ever the fuck decided to make single malt scotch in the first place. Even my hair fucking hurt. After laying in bed waiting for the room to stop spinning, I had decided to make a grand fucking bloodshot entrance and eventually did so, cigarette bobbing out of my mouth, bare chested and bare footed into the kitchen."

Elusive once asked me what my favourite thing about Kiltward was. I refrained from blurting out "everything!" and instead I answered sincerely. I told her that, in my eyes, he was a walking contradiction, and that I loved him madly for it.

So imagine my utter dispair when on 20 February 2010 Elusive posted the Epilogue to The Rain Season. It was over, finished, done, fin. I packed my bags and moved in to the Heartbreak Hotel, my heart heavy and my check out date unknown. I read, re-read and triple re-read, yet it never felt the same. *dabs at tears*

Today I have recommended, gushed, & bared my fragile (yes fragile!) little soul. And now I'm going to beg & plead. I will drop to my knees and grovel at his feet. Come back Kilty... come back. Love me with those wicked green flames, let me smoosh you with all my tiny might!

Of all the _wards in all the fics in all the world, you are the only one I'd run away to Gretna Green with and I miss the fuck out of you.

Beware! This post contains shameless self-pimping!!

2010-02-20T14:50:00.007Z

For those of you who don't know already, I have entered my first fic contest! I was a little daunted at the prospect, however the chosen contest topic of "FML" really was too much for me to resist and so I penned my one shot entry - "High risk heavy petting: The dangers of dry humping!" The lovely Yogagal, Zigster, Chicklette and SorceressCirce are MC'ing the contest over at FanFiction.net and you can find out all the info here .

If you would like to read my entry, you can find it on my FanFiction.net profile here. It can also be found in the contest community here along with all the other entries. To skip all the fandango and go straight to the story then just click here

Due to a whopping 70 entries, the voting will be dones as follows.....

18th February to 24th February - First Round of Open Voting featuring 35 stories

25th February to 3rd March - Second Round of Open Voting featuring 35 stories

4th March to 10 March - Final Round of Open Voting featuring twenty stories (the top ten from each of the preliminary rounds)

My story will feature in the second round of open voting, the dates for which are 25th February - 3rd March

I have some tough judges to impress in the JSR (Judge's Selection Round) and would be super happy just to make it through to the final round of open voting, so I will be keeping my fingers & toes tightly crossed! And maybe my legs for extra luck! ;)

If you'd like to vote for me then you can do it by visiting the contest's profile page over at FanFiction.net, which is here, between 25th February - 3rd March. To place your vote just use the poll at the very top of the page. Easy peasy right? :)

And that, my pretties, is the end of my indulgent self pimping, my frequent "here" links and my shameless abuse of the bold function!

Oh, and for any peoples reading this who are confused, or perhaps not so in the know, FML means Fuck my life....

So yo yo yiggtty fucking yo!

Thinking of a themed wedding? Well think again!!!

2010-02-16T00:03:00.010Z

Time for some light hearted, humorous fuckery! If you don't like either then please look away NOW!

So as per usual, I was spending my time productively on Twitter, and the lovely Emma was puffy hearting over some wedding gownage. A little chat with Megs, some stupendous googling and mad photoshop skillz later, the idea for this post was borned! And so I asked myself....if I could marry Rob, what kind of wedding would I choose?

Now as any wedded folks would know, vows are super important, so I worked on those first and decided to go all fusion on your asses and mix modern with traditional.....

Bride (thats's ~~KStew~~ me)
I Bex, take thee Rob, to be my lawfully hawtsex husband. To have and to grope, for better or for screwed, for richer or for sex hair, in sparkle peen and in health, to love and to jaw lick....

Groom (Robbykins)
I Rob, take thee Bex, to be my lawfully fine assed wife. To have and to spank, for better or for totally fucked, for richer or for free Ray Bans, in weight gain and in health, to love and to impregnate....

So yes, vows are the whole point of a wedding, but we alll know that everyone's eyes are on ~~his prize~~ the outfits. Themes seem pretty popular........

How about a mash up of Robin Hood & Harry Potter?

Uhh darling, did you invite Hedwig?
No but I bet you can't catch my Golden Snitch....I'm going to give it to the poor!

No? Ok...how a vampish goth affair?

Uh....is this some kind of sick joke?
No! My lawyer's even agreed to change our names to Edward & Bella.....

How about a tribute to my beloved Kiltward?

"I fucking love tartan Bex!"

Perhaps some meringue for the Bride?

Da da!!!!!!! Isn't it speshal & precious?

But every Bride & Groom needs a Best Man & a Maid of Honour

My what a big gun you have.....now tie me up, fucker!!

N.B - That's Meg "donning" the kinky Mafia "Carlisle's Bitch" ensemble.

And now we come to the end and I've made my descision. Your theme should be something you know well, something you love, something you would never tire of, something you feel.....a connection too *sniff* So based on that criteria, I've chosen my theme, and I've chosen well.......

"Wow your shorts are like especially gold today.
My mom uses color safe bleach..."

I love Juno, I love Rob, and if I could answer my phone at work with "Yo yo yoiggady yo" without getting my ass busted then I totally fucking would!!

Very small disclaimer - This post is in no way intended to be a belittling of the scared institution that is marriage, so wedded peeps - please be not taking offence.
Grazie!

To the Batcave bitches!!!

2010-02-11T17:22:00.001Z

At 3.00 today I hauled ass in to a meeting. Whilst in said meeting, unbeknown to me, pure awesomeness was being lovingly hand crafted for me by a work colleague who shall remain nameless due to her super creative but highly innappropriate use of office supplies. *snigger* The above mentioned awesomeness was awaiting me when I got back to my desk, having been sneakily placed there in stealth ninja manouvres.

For all those times when work kicks your ass and you feel a breakdown brewing, there are days & colleagues like this - something little makes it all fucking worthwhile!!

Meg goes topperless!

2010-02-03T20:39:00.010Z

I'm back bitches!!!! No your eyes do not decieve you, it's really me! Super sowwies for the lack of bloggage, things have been busy and messy and just generally a bit crazy but I hope I can be forgiven...pleasers?

So today's agenda *taps clipboard* Let us begin with the "Box of Joy".

Today was......well quite frankly shit ,to say the least! However upon arriving home on this cold, dark, rainy, typically British eve, I discovered a box waiting for me from my Meg. Now the aptly dubbed Box of Joy was an expected but much anticipated arrival.

It all began back in December when she blogged about her Christmas tree and it's spanky decorations here

Scrolling down, something beautimous & sparkly caught my eye (no, it wasn't Edward!) It was one of Meg's magnificant home made crafty creations, which we swiftly dubbed the "Rob Topper"...

So Christmas was over and the tree got burned, but what was the fate of the Rob Topper? What became of it? ....

Thats right sweeties, it was mailed, with love, to meeeeee!!! I admired it from afar and so it embarked on an atlantic journey, travelling for thousand's of miles. But it did not wander lonely as a cloud, oh no! It arrived with companions!!

Noms & New Moon merch!!!

For those of you who spotted the Toblerone above; it was sent as token of our mutual love for the amazing "Emancipation Proclaimation" (a fiction by kharizzmatik) Those who have read or are reading it will understand the significance of the very triangular choc *grin*

And the best for last......serious! Custom shirts!!!

Home made shirt just for Bexy #1. Yes, I love spanks and yes Meg & I have a Batcave........

....for dastardly plotting and general fuckery ;) Annnnnnnnd on to Home made shirt just for Bexy #2 which has a smexin front.....

....and a very spesh word on the back.....(which was made up and tweeted in a moment of madness by myself!)

A jizzity word and a jizzity pic on a jizzity shirt! It doesn't get any jizzier than that!!!!

So thank you Meggles. For my Box of Joy, and for being my friend, my cupmegcake. You are the color safe bleach to my especially gold shorts and I love your Southern ass!! Lit'rally.....<3

Seasons Greetings!

2009-12-23T20:32:00.005Z

This year I have been lucky enough to make some new friends, and there isn't a single one of you that I could now imagine being without. You all know who you are and because of you I have the most amazing support network, so thank you. I love you all to death. <3

So to all my fantastical friends, followers and tweeties, I wish you all the very merriest Christmas and a safe, healthy & happy New Year!

xoxo

Go fic yourself!!

2009-12-21T18:39:00.007Z

Thats right folks, yours truly has decided to brave the reading masses and write my own fan fic, "And Then You". I have posted it up on fanfiction.net and you can find it HERE. You will currently find the Prologue and the first 2 chapters up but there is plenty more to come! FragileLittleHuman is working her lil beta socks off and updates will be once a week (sundays).

The reviews I have recieved so far have given me the warm & fuzzies, I'm stoked that people actually like it so if you have left me some love then, sincerely, thank you!

A massive thank you also to the lovely & fantastical itsjustme who very sweetly made me an absolutely beautimous button for my fic.....

Isn't it pwetty? Yes! *grin* If you are kind enough to pimp me out then feel free to use it for that :)

And to my Secret Santa (I & you know who you are obviously) THANK YOU!!!!!!!

Dear Santa.....

2009-12-19T17:42:00.002Z

Dear Santa Clause

Firstly, I'd like to know...

What fabric softener keeps your suit so red?

What mileage do you get on the sleigh? Does it have SatNav & an iPod dock?

What with his nose issues and all, does Rudolph have trouble dating?

Now back to business. With Christmas only 5 days away, I figured now might be a good time to send you my list. We both know I've been good this year......well....I had a few minor slip ups and said the occasional naughty/cuss word, but ignoring all that, I've been an angel *grin* My list is kinda short, but don't be alarmed. I'm a woman of fine taste and I prefer quality over quanity - I'm afraid none of your other junk will do.

Now I'm sure you've already read my small print, along with my enclosed terms & conditions and the disclaimer, but I think it's only fair that I give you an advance warning. If you fail to deliver and don't come up with the goods then I will be a very unhappy customer, forcing me to write a tersely worded letter of complaint to Trading Standards and, if required, take Court action. Not to mention the fact that I will be the biggest pain in your ass, the biggest you have EVER had, every single year, for the rest of my life. Your naughty list does not scare me so stick that in your festive pipe and smoke it!

I refer to the gift in question below, and look foward to finding it under my tree on Christmas morning. Do not skimp - the rug must also be included.

(Source)

Yours sincerely,

P.S - A word of friendly advice - I think you should give up the mince pies, the suspension on your sleigh can only be upgraded so many times!

Hi, my name is Bex and I'm a fanficaholic....

2009-12-13T14:54:00.007Z

Hello lovelies!! Today's post will contain a little pimping but before we get to that, I was gifted something so festive and wonderful that it would be a crime not to share it with you all! Said amazing gift was made for me by the super lovely Amcas (whom I miss terribly) over at WhyNotRPattz and I have decided that if "Wonderment" ever finds its way in to the dictionary then a glorious picture of Amcas should be placed beside the definition. So go ahead and feast your eyes on my prize! But no touching - hands off my Christmas Pretty!

My, what a big gift bow you have there Rob! *smirk*

Did I mention that I have a very long list of things we

could do with that candy cane...?

Ok, now to the above smut I am going to add some juicy ficcy lemons!! I don't usually make a habit of recommending fanfic on here because my reading list is so fucking long I'd be here until the New Year! However, recently I have stumbled upon some fiction by 3 lovely ladies that I feel compelled to share with you. Trust me when I say that if you haven't read any of these yet then you are definately missing out!

We're going to kick off proceedings with the wonderful elusivetwilight who is the creator of my beloved Kiltward and author of these outstanding stories....

The Rain Season

"After trauma of losing her parents, Bella receives a letter from old family friend Esme inviting her to come to Scotland where she and her family are currently settled. Angsty scottish summer with AH cast and perhaps Edward in a kilt."

Incubus Anomaly

"Incubus: a sex demon that visits women in the deep dark of the night. Edward relies on his special gifts to consume his prey. What happens when he meets the one woman immune to his unique abilities?"

Next stop is the fabulous LambCullen! Mere minutes was all it took for me too fall in love with her Bookward and you will be spoilt for choice with her extensive list of first class fics.....

First Edition

"He watched her for weeks and wanted her for just as long. Can one lonely day in his bookstore bring them together."

Tides

"Bella's inheritance - an old house once owned by Granddad Aro. However, she is surprised to find an unexpected house guest living there. He knows her, but who the hell is he?"

Tilt

"Man wanted: 52 cards. 52 Positions. Can an internet advertisement really bring two people together? Even if it's only based on sex?"

Dearly Departed

"What if a person was broken beyond repair? So broken, that death was the only way out. Can love really heal everything?"

Landscapes

"The Diary. An elite artists retreat, owned by the Cullen Foundation. Edward Cullen wants Bella Swan to attend, but is it for more than her art?"

All Bets Are Off

"Done for the TATTward & INKella contest. Edward loses a bet with his brothers...the end result, however is not what he expected"

Dark Possession

"A virus is spreading across the human race, and Vampires no longer have an endless supply of blood. Edward Masen has a thirst like never before, that is until he sees a lonely woman crying and in need of refuge."

Wreckage

"Just moments after Edward proposes, Bella is in a car crash. All memories of her life are gone. Can they restore their life to what it was before the wreckage?"

Wreckage Outtakes

"Past/Present Outtakes from Wreckage. All one shots"

And last but by no means least, my beloved sjAimee is penning this kick-ass fic .....

A Broken Triangle

"The relationship is purely physical for Bella, but Edward wants more. When Bella meets his roommate Jasper, everything changes. Can Bella overcome a past that left her broken,Jake dead,and Charlie in jail and have a real relationship with either of them?"

Now, recently I've been spending a lot of time with her Edward and in an attempt to get some insight in to his very sweet self, I got a little quizzical with him. You can see my questions and his answers over at the Broken Triangle Blog

N.B - All these stories are rated M & some contain dark themes. Young & innocents - these are not for you!

Now if that doesn't keep you busy for at least a month then I don't know what will!!

Cutie, if you are reading, I love you very muchers and I is counting down the days for you to be free! I have celebratory fairy lights at the ready! *wink*

And to my one & only, most beloved Bitches - I (schmoopy) misses you *sadface* I don't know where you are but please come home for Christmas....

A new look for Infinite!

2009-12-08T22:04:00.005Z

Guess who's back!! I'm sorry for my longer-than-usual absence but being sick apparently wasn't on my schedule and RL/work has been kicking my ass hard. Plus, I wanted to wait so that I could do the "big reveal". No not that kind of reveal....jeez....dirty people *shakes head* But anyway.....

....I hereby welcome you all to the new look Today I feel Infinite!

The blog layout I always wanted was finally made possible for me by the wonderful Mrs Vanquish who created what you see before you.  I am truly thankful to her for her hard work and the absolutely beautiful layout she made for me. If I could, I would give her one of these *wink*

If you would like Mrs V to work her magic on your blog then head over to Twispired Blog Design (see also her lovely button over there ----------->)

Next on the agenda - fan fiction!! Now I don't normally reccy fan fic because the time spent writing those posts is valuable reading time, obviously. However today I'm breaking my own rule, I'm making the exception! The very lovely SBGDGT, known to me as "20" (*smirk*), borrowed me for some sinsperation and did me the amazing honour of writing me in to a panty melting one shot called "Together Again" which you can (and will) read here. Much to my delight my lemons get well and truly squeezed, and if you like a whole lotta Texas in your man then you will enjoy! Please note however that Ranchward (as I have very affectionately dubbed him) is all mine, and have no damn intention of sharing! *smug grin* So go and leave my 20 some love - she wrote hard, provided the ultimate teasers and deserves a ton of positive reviews. Plus *whispers* if you tell her you like it she may carry it on *wink wink*

Next item - My beloved Ted (thats Marie to everyone else) has joined forces with Leigh and finally joined the blog community!! You can visit the girls over at Our Twilight Bubble. Go and welcome them, it'll make em feel all warm & fuzzy inside :)

And last but definately not least....I was too late to show my support with a picture, which saddens me, however I am all for Thinking of Rob's campaign against the paps and their goddamn infuriating need to invade people's (namely Rob's) privacy.

I feel strongly about this but I'm keep my opinion short and sweet.  Dear Paps, I understand you need to make a living, but go do it elsewhere and BACK THE FUCK OFF of our boy!!!!!! Yours truly, me.   Ok I know I said sweet, so I lied, sue me!

For more information, or to join the movement, click the banner below. My final words on this matter? He doesn't want this, and neither do I.

Almost there....

2009-11-19T13:19:00.003Z

I believe that Kleenex, dry panties and consoling sugary snacks are essential to survive New Moon. I am also hoping that it will be a fuckwit free experience for us! *strokes duct tape lovingly*

Soon my lovelies we shall all be rewarded for our devotion & patience with all that glorious big screen heartbreak we know is coming *sigh* Cutie, I truly wish I could be there to hold you and the fact I can't is making me anxious. *bites lip*

But know this. Tomorrow, when I am on the verge of either :-

a) hyperventilating in to a paper bag

b) sobbing so hard it hurts

c) jizzing with joy

d) complete hysterics

….I will be holding you all in my heart. It will surely be broken hard but I know I'll be ok. Why? Because you amazing & special ladies are better than all the fucking superglue in the world. I love you all dearly, I will feel your pain tomorrow and I will share your joy-jizzing.

One more sleep to go. Sweet dreams y'all ;)

Friday? What's happening on Friday?

2009-11-16T17:20:00.002Z

New Moon is so damn close I can practically smell it!!!!

Is it like Christmas come early? Yes! Who the fuck needs Santa when you have The Weitz!

It's only Monday, but am I hyper? So much so that I'm scared to have any sugar this week!!

Will it get worse? Without a doubt!

Will I cry & snot? Like a goddamn baby!

Do I care? Newp! Couldn't give one!

Will I be taking Duct tape? Yes, industrial strength - the good shit!

Will you be using it? I sincerely hope not.....

.....All you spoiley & hatey peeps need to remember that we, the Twi fans, want a completely fuckwit free experience. We don't ask for much, so if you do insist on going and you dearly value your safety, then I recommend that you abide by the 3 S's.

Sit the hell down, Shut the fuck up & Suck it up bitches!

Ok so whilst here, I'm reckoning now would probably be a good time to tell you that I will be taking a breather from Twitter this week. A few reasons for this really :-

To catch up on the many excellent fan fics listed in my favorites

To continue work on my own fanfic. Yep, that's correct, I'm writing *blush* Those who may be curious can email for more deets :)

To try and avoid all the "Robsten" fuckery & general all-consuming hype which will undoubtedly be tweeted to death! I don't want my last week of giddy anticipation to be tainted by it all *shrug*

Please don't think me anti-social! Those who know me would tell you that I'm far from it, and trust me when I say it's usually quite difficult to shut me up!! I will be on email all week so if you want me you can get me here :) I will try and post too!

No one will miss me, I know this, but it's not an abandonment of "Edward" proportions. Volterra is not calling me, I will be back! Most likely Friday.......providing I havn't self imploded at the sheer force of my own excitement by then ;)

Remember

2009-11-11T11:43:00.001Z

At 11.00 am on 11 November 1918 the guns of the Western Front fell silent after more than four years continuous warfare.

To all of the fallen, who gave their today for our tomorrow, and to all of the men & women that continue to put their precious lives on the line every single day so that we can enjoy ours and love our families without fear or reprisal…..

"They shall grow not old, as we that are left grow old:

Age shall not weary them, nor the years condemn.

At the going down of the sun and in the morning

We will remember them."

THANK YOU

The Brits are biting back!

2009-11-08T16:52:00.009Z

The post that lies before you has been born from a late night collaboration between myself and my Squishy - the lovely Emma over at Sparkle. But don't be fooled - this is no ordinary joint post! Don't get us wrong, we love all our Twi-besties from across the pond, but every now and then we feel a little outnumbered! As fellow Brits, we decided to share a little with you all! Hold on to your seats ladies, you are about to be tag teamed UK style!!

We are reknowned for some typically British traits, like talking about the weather, queueing, moaning, rambling through the countryside, drinking tea to solve a problem, and maintaining a stiff upper lip at all times but we found no mention of Edward & Emmett loving twihards .....hmm....*shrug*

But we're proud to be British, so fuck the flag, we're doin it our way....... badass jacked-up chucks & no jolly awful pretentious language chaps!

(Source)

1. Craptastic weather

Reknowned for our shitty climate, it is always cold, wet & freakin' gloomy! Actually, this place is a whole lot like Forks! Just as green & wet, but we've yet to find the super hot vampires!

Em: Even though Volvos are stalking me...

Bex: Uh...no...thats just me...*waggles eyebrows*

2. We are an Island

Busting this joint involves either flying or taking a boat trip, both of which, when done in above mentioned weather, can make for a very bumpy ride! Hold on to your stomaches & sick bags!

3. No Hot Topic stores

We consider ourselves to be highly deprived of excellent Twi merch & glossy mags! We Brits sometimes feel forgotton and often overlooked (like no UK Premiere!) and we think this sucks saggy balls! *pout*

4. We do not all talk like Mr Darcy & Elizabeth Bennett

Our language has evolved since Jane Austen got all hot & bothered and, contrary to popular belief, we don't all have the typical accent they seem to love using in movies! Accents here are regional, with Newcastle, Liverpool, Birmingham & the South West sporting some of the most interesting! I myself am a Devonshire girl and thankfully was not blessed with our fuckawful accent! If your curious to know just how fucking awful then I highly recommend you check this vid out for a laugh.....

Em: Though I kinda have a bit of the liverpool twang when it comes to my accent. It's unnoticeable unless I leave my little place...

Bex: So can I start calling you twangy-tits now?

Em: NO! I have enough nicknames thankyouverymuch!

Bex: Fine, I'll use TT for short! Bwuahaha!

5. Traditional English Noms

Bangers & mash, Sunday roast dinners, full English brekkies, Cornish pasties and cream teas are all freakin nommy but the best by far is a bag of fish & chips! Unbeatable when eaten on a cold & windy seafront, straight from the paper, covered in a bucketload of salt & vinegar!

Em: Mmmm fish n chips... now I'm hungry, bitch!

Bex: Shaddup! I'm always hungry! *sigh*

6. The Royal Family

Prominant throughout history and mostly admired by the older generation, the British Monarchy can be a bit dull. Unless of course you're the Willmeister & Hazzmat, who land helipcopters in their girlfriend's gardens and lurch out of clubs in the early hours of the morning! Frankly I'm not fussed much but I'd fucking love to see the Queen showing off Buckingham Palace on MTV Cribs! "This is wear the magic happens......" *snort* Badass pad, no?

Em: I wonder how the postman gets in....

Bex: Must be weird when she gets her mail....seeing her face staring back at her on all those stamps! *snigger*

(Source)

7. Marmite

A dark brown-colored savory spread made from yeast extract. Usually put on to bread or toast, it has a very strong salty flavor (yeah I'm still talkin about the Marmite here!) and is reknowned for being either totally loved or utterly hated! No one sits on the fence and I fucking hate it!!! It's vile! *gag*

Em: Ugh! Marmite... my appatite's just abandoned me!

Bex: Good, that means more chips for me! Noms!

8. English Literature

The likes of William Shakespere, Jane Austen, Charlotte & Emily Bronte, D.H. Lawrence & Charles Dickens, to name just a few, have written some of the greatest shizz of all time, and some of the most popular authors of the 20th centuary carry on their awesome work!

Em: Hell, even our beloved Twilight was written based along the lines of Romeo and Juliet.

Bex: Yes it was! Wouldn't it be embarrasing if people nicknamed him Willy Shakey? *snort* Edward, Edward, where for art thou sparkly, cold Edward? *sigh*

9. Fucking awesome music

Ok, so we're not known for being great with our movies, but you cannot deny that some of the greatest musical talent has come from our shores! The Beatles, The Rolling Stones, The Who, Muse, RadioHead, Oasis, Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Band of Skulls, U2, The Cure, The Smiths, Morrissey, Happy Mondays, Coldplay, The Stone Roses.....you get the picture!

Now there are a ton of things we dearly love about Britain, and though we have only touched on a few, we have undoubtedly saved the very best until last! Although no words are really needed to introduce our most loved of them all, we do have a small plea.......

10. Miles away from that heartbreaking smile.... *sniff*

(Source)

Rob, we miss you, please come home!

We'll even resort to bribary....

Em: I'll buy you all the hot pockets and beer you could ever want. Hell ,I can even drive you places if you so wish! Just please come back to our rainy little island. Pretty please with hot pockets on top? (What the fuck are hot pockets?)

Bex: Some microwavable savory snack that probably goes all soggy an shit? I haz no idea.....maybe he'd prefer a cheezeburger.....*shrug* I just wanna know how hot his pockets are! *dirty smirk* I'm not even going to mention bangers.....

And finally, to all of our tweeties & bloggy friends who are far, far away; the time difference is utter fuckery, but we heart you all and we miss you lots <3

Em: And look forward to maybe meeting you in the future, all in the name of Twilight!

Bex: Is that why you love my body? In the name of Twilight?

Em: Well I thought that was kinda obvious....

Health & Safety Warning: Do not fiddle with gunpowder!

2009-11-05T18:10:00.005Z

Look who's getting post-happy this week ;)

Today's post however has purpose! It's in recognition of one my most favourite British events! Here in Blighty, 5th November is known as Guy Fawkes Night (aka Bonfire Night).

Like most traditions, it comes complete with a weird ye olde english type rhyme that is undoubtedly the focus of 100's of history lessons taking place in UK classrooms today. I however, can only ever remember the first 2 lines as my education apparently failed me! So I did the next best thing - I googled that sucker!!

"Remember, remember the Fifth of November,

The Gunpowder Treason and Plot,

I know of no reason

Why the Gunpowder Treason

Should ever be forgot.

Guy Fawkes, Guy Fawkes, t'was his intent

To blow up the King and Parli'ment.

Three-score barrels of powder below

To prove old England's overthrow;

By God's providence he was catch'd (or by God's mercy)

With a dark lantern and burning match.

Holloa boys, holloa boys, let the bells ring. (Holla)

Holloa boys, holloa boys, God save the King!"

Now Wiki says….

Guy Fawkes Night is an annual celebration on the evening of 5 November. It marks the downfall of the Gunpowder Plot of 5 November 1605, in which a number of Catholic conspirators, including Guy Fawkes, attempted to blow up the Houses of Parliament, in London, United Kingdom. He was to be hung, drawn and quarted but Fawkes, weakened by his torture, was the last to climb the ladder to the gallows, from which he jumped, breaking his neck in the fall and thus avoiding the latter part of his execution.

But I decided to tell you the story in my own speshal & unique way *smirk* So I say....

In 1605 there lived some badass fuckers. One of these was a rebellious dude with a funky name who got all cocky and tried to blow shit up with a fuckload of gunpowder. It was an epic fail because some other dude decided to be a tattling douchebag & wrote a super secret douchey letter which got his stupid ass busted! He was supposed to be hung but he opted for the "fairwell & fuck you" gesture of doing it himself - asstard! Now we use all this fuckery as an excuse to make scary man-doll mofo's, burn them on a bonfire & let off off some pretty nifty freakin fireworks. All while freezing our titties/balls off outside in Englands shitty November climate.

*grin* Little Kiddlywinks get wrapped up warm and love pretty fireworks, although the oldies with heart conditions aren’t so keen! Men all discover their inner pyro when they see a bonfire, going all caveman on our ass & burning anything that isn't nailed down. Throw in a crapload of alcohol & outdoorsy food like baked potato, beans & sausages and everyones a winner!

Now I personally am all about the fireworks! That’s right, I'm totes not ashamed to admit that I'm with the kids on that one! But however you choose to celebrate Bonfire night, remember this :- it's not the size of your rocket that counts, it's the angle of the launch & the force of it's explosion ;) Scarf, hat & mittens not required, however spare panties might be wise. *smirk*

Yes baby.....yes I do! What's a girl gotta do to get a ride on the RobRocket? *wink wink*

Bend me over & take me in Tokyo!

2009-11-03T21:19:00.073Z

Happy Tuesday folks!

Keeping it quite light for y'all tonight.......and yes, I am totes aware that I just said "Y'all" even though I'm a Brit (Gov'na) ....so whatcha gonna do? Sue me? *smirk*

Also, you may be relieved to know that now she's had her say, the emo imposter who hijacked the last post has been locked in the nearest closet! Please don't let her out!

Will it ever stop fucking raining!! Wait...this is England.....what a dumbass question! Of course it won't! *smirk*

London on a good day! Hope you packed light! Mwuahaha!

(Source)

Now, before we get to some Robby goodness, I must share something very important with you all, and I do this for your own good, so look sharp & listen up!! Are you paying attention? Ok then....*scrambles up on to her soap box*

The very bombastic Cutie over at SSTB has kick-started the most fuckawesome campaign to make it known that every Twilighter wants to be able to enjoy a fuckwit-free New Moon experience! Not only do we want this, but we deserve it. We are the oil in a very big corporate franchise machine and working together is mutually benefical - they get their overflowing pots of gold. We get something we consider just as valuable. We get our film. A beautiful visual interpretation of the books we love. A chance to see everything we imagined and more on the big screen. So to those of you who fully intend to turn up and...

sing, shout, laugh or talk over the film

scream at ear piercing volumn

hate on Twilight with hatey friends

bitch, moan & whine about every little detail

or generally take the piss....

.... my advice to you is simply this. DON'T!

You've been warned fuckers!!! For those who want to join the campaign, get more deets or grab a banner for your blog/site then please go visit Cutie here.

Now.....on to Tokyo *grin* and the reason behind my request *wink* You see, it all started out perfectly innocent....

*waves back* Well Hey, Hello, Hi there Cutie! Don't you look nommy in that suit!

Now sugar you know I love it when you smile, but when you laugh......fuck! *melts*

Sweet jesus thankyouverymuch! Hand......hair......touching...*thud* It surely can't get better than that....right?

WRONG! So very wrong....*sigh*

Oh reeeeally? Right here, right now? Over the...? You dirty, dirty boy!!! But you don't need to ask me twice *waggles eyebrows*

Bad boys, bad boys, whatcha gonna dooooo! Rob & The Weitz looking both looking very dapper!

So it's goodbye from them and see your ass later from me! ;)

I freakin love Tokyo....*sigh*

Sources

EW.com

Robsessed

Off my chest....on a personal note...

2009-11-01T23:57:00.003Z

Ok now just for the record, I'm a very firm believer in Sunday being a day of rest.....and fuck do I love Sundays! It's the perfect day for sleeping in, lazy sex, eating too much, watching crap tv, doing the grocery shop in yoga pants and Uggs, taking an extra 5 minutes in the bath/shower, finishing that book, taking a walk, getting an early night, & having the breakfast you never have time to make/eat during the week. Sounds great right? Who'd pass up on that? I know I have....

We all miss out and most of the time I doubt we even realise we're doing it. We never take time out of our busy week to stop and sit back, just for a second, and reflect on....well....everything. If it's not work it's family and if it's not family then it's friends. Stress, pressure, deadlines, complaints, demands. Things to remember, people to please, places to be. *sigh*

Do you ever wonder what would happen if you just slowed the fuck down? If you turned off the blackberry for an hour? If you had that damn doughnut, wore those goofy slippers, let the kids get their clothes dirty, took that lunch break and left the housework until tomorrow?

Last week, I found out that Alzheimer's disease is the most common cause of dementia, affecting around 417,000 people in the UK, for which there is currently no cure. My Gran is warm, selfless, kind & good, with an overwhelming capacity to love & to give. I also found out that she is one of those 417,000 people. She is the most beautiful person I have and next year she might not even know who I am.

Some of the very best things in life are free. Don't take them for granted. Say I love you, even if your scared shitless, even if they might not fucking remember it tomorrow.

"Flower, God Bless you and keep you safe" - Taken from a letter to me. The handwriting is my Grans.

<3

What do you buy the vamp who has everything?

2009-10-29T22:12:00.011Z

Hi, hey, hello to my new followers! It's lovely to have you here! Kick back, relax and enjoy! ;)

Ok so there I was, behaving myself and minding my own business, for a change! Anyway, with October 31st looming upon us I figured I'd make something hallowthemed for le blog so I took Edward's advice and googled it (I do however, for the record, draw the line at eating Tofu Eddie, okay?) So I typed in "Halloween" and a few pages in to my search, nestled between all the usual hallowcrap, Google presented me with a single picture of awesomeness! The light bulb over my head practically exploded and the excitement of my very accidental but totally amazing find made me a little giddy!

For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you may recall that earlier this evening, before I got down & dirty with Google, I tweeted the following.....

It seems coincidence was to come a'knockin at my door....!

We know Robward has the hair, the girl, the family, the car, the cash, the marble god-like bod, eternal life, and a sparkly peen. So what exactly do you give him?

I'm thinking these! I mean, sure, they look mighty familar right? But look again....closer this time......

Now bend me over and spank me in to Sunday if they are not the most badass couldnthavecustommadethembettermyself pair of Dunks you did ever see!?

And FYI to the dudes at Nike, you guys owe me a whole truckload of fucking panties.....

Meme Madness!

2009-10-28T21:22:00.006Z

I was tagged in on all the fun but took my sweet time getting round to it, what with work being an ass kicker! So for those who don't yet know....

meme

in blogspeak, an idea that is spread from blog to blog

(as defined on urban dictionary)

....thanks to Cutie for that little nugget of knowledge!

Okay, my meme answers....here goes....!

1) What is the craziest/most stupid thing you've ever done (that you would be willing to share!)?

Oh god, so many to chose from which is slightly fucking worrying! There was the time my asshole brother got me drunk and dared me to jump on to the roof of an empty outbuilding. My fat ass went right through that badboy!!! The crazy part is though, you think that would have taught me a lesson right? Wrong! I still go drinking with my brother now and then. He let's me get friendly with Jose purely to get some entertain from my booze fueled stupidity!! The last time I drank with that bastard I ended up slipping and crashing down 2 flights of stairs. I thought it was hysterical until I realised the motion had upset all the alcohol sloshing around in my tummy. I spent the rest of the night with my head in the fucking toilet throwing up and woke up with an imprint of the seat on my face, the hangover from hell and the ugliest goddamn bruises on all my soft fleshy parts (thighs, underarms etc). The largest bruise was right under my left ass cheek, I couldn't sit on the toilet properly for nearly a fortnight.

2) Fuck, Marry, Kill. With the Twilight cast.

Fuck - Such a tough question because they are all so bangable in their own right, including some of the laydees! But I choose Emmett.....I wanna demolish me a few houses with monkey man! *smirk*

Marry - Easy! My beloved, precious Edward! A whole lotta love would be made in the marital bed and cute little baby Eddies would be snapping at our heels *sigh*

Kill - Lauren fucking Mallory! Hostile, jealous, sneering bitch! She epitomises the kind of girls I had to endure throughout high school.

3) What is your favorite band/type of music?

I love it all!! But currently All American Rejects, Kings of Leon, and The Gaslight Anthem, Bon Iver and Band of Skulls to name a few

4) What is your favorite movie besides Twilight?

I can't choose one so top 5....

Murial's Wedding

Sleepless in Seattle

Strictly Ballroom

When Harry Met Sally

Forrest Gump

5) Do your RL family/friends know you’re addicted to Twilight? And blogger?

Friends, family and even my poor long suffering colleagues know I'm "one of those Twilight people" but only 2 RL'ers know about the blog....and I kinda like it that way! Most peeps just wouldn't understand it at all....*shrug*

6) How many hours a week do you spend doing Twi related things? You know, blogging, looking at pictures of the cast, reading fan fiction, etc.

In 3 small words: A fucking lot!!!!

7) Any random fact you might want to share. Big or small, it doesn't matter

I had my tonsils out when I was 21

I crack my knuckles

Forrest Gump is one of my fave films but I can't actually watch it because I cry like a baby through the whole damn thing! People can be such cruel bastards...*sniffle*....poor Forrest! Breaks my freaking heart every time!

I have 8 tattoos

I have no allergies

I was stung by a jellyfish last summer in Turkey but managed to avoid the sneaky fuckers in Egypt this year.

Too much sleep gives me a headache

I'm 5'3

I can't fucking dance...at all.

I love tequila but it dosn't love me

I always carry a spare pair of panties in my handbag (I do not have bladder problems!)

I love watching cooking shows, esp Ina & Geoffrey, but I can't actually cook...*shrug*

My typing speed is 80-85 words per minute
I wear Spongebob Squarepants Pyjamas..

As a thank you for reading my random witterings, I herby present you with a little RobwardPorn!

Who knew science could be so damn smexy!! I'd be more than willing to re-sit biology if it was his anatomy we were studying......top marks all round, class! *wink*

Source

Sentiments & Sunday Catch Up!

2009-10-25T19:12:00.001Z

Happy Sunday folks!

RL has been kicking my ass hard this week and Emancipation Proclaimation has been owning it!

So time to announce the winner of my giveaway! Thank you to the 7 lovely ladies entered, but alas only 1 could win, which saddens me as all your captions were more than shirt-worthy!

I popped all the names in to my Beanie of Wonder.....

.....and plucked one from the wooliness with my peepers closed.....

Congratulations to the one and only Cutie over at Super Secret Twilight Blog! To see her kinky caption along with the other 6 fantastical entries go here - well worth a minute of your time and guaranteed to give you the giggles!!

Cutie if you email me we can get down to business ;)

Now, I'm not ashamed to confess that I can never get enough RobPorn *smirk* and love nothing more than getting my daily picfix on, but I am slightly embarrassed to admit that every now and then I'll see a picture that makes me feel a bit strange. By strange I'm not talkin over-excited ovaries, trembling thighs and a quivering faloolah, but a lump in my throat mingled with a shudder of pleasure, dumbstruck awe, a bit of sadness and the overwhelming urge to say out loud the little pet name that I secretly decided suited him about 2 weeks ago! *blush*

So for today (and only today) I'm saying fuck it! I'm giving in to that urge! I'm not all cussing, hormones & exploding panties! Its true! *sigh* I'm all squishy at heart, so I'm going to show you some of la mia bella ragazzo.....

*sigh* Like I said....la mia bella ragazzo....

Sources -
Itsjustme
Thinking of Rob
Robert Pattinson Source

And FINALLY.......!!!!!!!!

2009-10-18T00:20:00.001+01:00

Motherfucking squeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!!!!!!!!!!!!!

That is all!! ;)

Goodie Giveaway!

2009-10-17T01:59:00.002+01:00

Who doesn't love Friday!!!! And that fuckhawt new RobOnTheRugPorn! Hips, hands, happy trail, plaid, fluffy rugs, sex hair, come-to-bed eyes, an a teasing glimpse of his undies. That Batman t-shirt does crazy things to me....fuck....! Right, smexy time over, let's get down to business....

So I'm pretty sure you're all familiar with CafePress. If not, why not and shame on you! They have the absolute shizz in Twilight merch, all of which is designed by fellow Twi-crazy fans! It's so fantastical, in fact, that I fear my pimping skilz cannot do it justice so click here and the magical treasures shall be revealed in all their glory!

Now the super Golda sent me a very lovely email to let me know that she had enjoyed visiting my blog *blush* and that she would like to give me the opportunity to offer a giveaway contest to you guys! So, because I heart you all lots, that is exactly what I am going to do! One lucky reader will win a speshal treasure all of their very own - a Twilight t-shirt of your choice from CafePress! In order to find your perfect tee you will need stamina, strong coffee, hours of free time (because fuck do they have choices) and most importantly, the following link....

Shirt me up baby!

Now for the rules! *smirk* To enter, all you need to do is haul ass to the comment section of this post. In there you will need to put 2 very important things. They are....

1. The link to your favorite tee. This will be the shirt you get should you win, so choose wisely my pretties!

2. A caption to this very naughty boy!!

No restrictions here other than just 1 caption per person please :D I will be deciding the winner next Saturday (24th) by picking a name from my beanie hat! Technical? Nope. Fair? Very.

Play nice laydees! *wink*

You wanted more....

2009-10-15T22:20:00.008+01:00

...and who am I to deny you your urges! Apparently my script-fuckery was enjoyed so I decided to dish out a lil more for your delight!

(Source)

(Source)

(Source)

(Source)

Firstly, a super quick note to my new followers - Thank you!!! Your awesome & I'm touched :D And to the rest of the gang - big freakin umbrellas for everyone! <3 You are all the sex!

Twilight re-scripted....by Bex!

2009-10-14T23:28:00.002+01:00

Just for once, I wanted things done MY way! *smirk*

(Source)

(Source)

(Source)

That is all! :p

Interview With The Mistress

2009-10-12T20:58:00.006+01:00

Hey ya'll! It's me, Smutty!! The ever-lovely Bex has invited me to pop in on her blog from time to time and spread the smutty goodness. And, while I'm all about the pop-in, I thought the first order of business should include an interview. Not just for my own indulgent nosey self gratification but also to give ya'll a peek at all of Bex's wonderment. And if we get really lucky, maybe she'll show us a lil more of that wonderment at a later date. *wiggles eyebrows*

So, without further ado, lets get it on!

Smutty: So Bex, why do you feel infinite today?

Bex: Because life is too short to hold back… :)

Smutty: I knew I lovered you for a reason ;)

Bex: Wait a minute....you mean it wasn't for my fuckhawt body and winning personality? *looks hurt*

Smutty: *sigh* ok, you got me there, it was your bubbly personality coupled with the most adorable toes and Mistress-hawt red toenail polish.....and I don't even have a foot fetish so that should speak volumes! But this isn't about me, so, back to you.

Smutty: What is your all time favourite fanfic?

Bex: Ooooh! It's a joint winner…

Buried Under The Begonias by Durty Nelly - I'm a total sucker for Masen…*shudder* and....Clipped Wings & Inked Armor by HunterHunting - I absolutely love Tattward to death! I would bake & feed him a million cupcakes in exchange for a new tattoo and some kinky piercings……amongst other things *wink*

Smutty: Both excellent choices! This leads me to an unscripted question.....if you could have any piercing regardless of pain or shyness during administration of said-piercing, what would you get done? And another follow up question, clearly you are inked, do you have any ideas for your next masterpiece?

Bex: Thanks - it was tough to choose! If I could get anything pierced it would be my nipple and my kitty ;) And I have actually been giving serious consideration to one of those! I am indeed inked, (7 in total) and planning to add more so I'm toying with a few ideas at the moment, namely a phoenix on my left foot or maybe some Latin…

Smutty: You know eventually you will need to add pictures of all this fucktastic ink, right?

Bex: Only if your takin them ;) *cough*Nekked shoot*cough*

Smutty: When you wake up in the morning, what is the first thought that comes to mind?

Bex: "I don't want to get up!!!!" I'm not a morning person at all! Especially early mornings!

Smutty: Very few people like mornings and those who do I have grave concerns over their mental health..

Bex: So, I'm not mental right? Well shit that's a relief!

Smutty: No more mental than the rest of us Love *wink*

Smutty: You call yourself the Mistress, this would lead one to believe you are Dominant in nature, ever considered being submissive?

Bex: I do have the odd Dom moment but in truth I'm actually so submissive it's laughable! *shameface*

Smutty: Hehehe, your secret is safe with me...
Bex: *whispers* But Smuts....you just told like everyone dude! Pass me the Ray Bans, I can't been seen like this!

Smutty: Please, that shade of red does amazing things for your complexion!

Smutty: What color is your favourite hoodie?

Bex: Black & Pink *grin*

Smutty: Hoodies make the world a better place *smiles warmly at Bex*

Bex: *goofy grin* Yes they do! Everyone should own at least one...except me...I own about 30...and If I went on one of those makeover shows the fuckers would have to cut me out of it with a chainsaw - I refuse to give it up! Unless of course Rob wants to peel it off.....*eyes glaze over*

Smutty: Oh Rob....*eyes glass over while images of Rob peeling hoodies off Bex flash through my mind*

Smutty: Do you bite your ice cream or just lick it?

Bex: I lick…..thoroughly *smirk*

Smutty: *note to self, Bex is not a nibbler* Very interesting Bex, no teeth? Ever?

Bex: Well...between you an me...it has been known...y'know? So yeah....

Smutty: *jaw hits floor* Alrighty then, lets move on to a less suggestive question...

Smutty: What is your best childhood memory?

Bex: Weekends with my grandparents - they are my 2 most favourite people in the whole world. But winning the Easter Bonnet competition when I was 5 years old was pretty cool too! I actually won 3 years running cos my mum made the most awesome hats! She rocks! The photos are fucking embarrassing though!

Smutty: I think you should consider sharing these photos. OH! Which brings me to my next unplanned question, your readers want to know, what the fuck is up with Banana-gate?!
Bex: Because I am willing to humiliate myself for everyone's entertainment I have shared said photographic evidence.....I hope you all enjoy a very good laugh at my expense. Heckle and you will regret it!

Bex: And banana-gate involved my Friend Troodee, a stranger (maybe more than 1) and a peeled banana! That’s all I can say.....for now...!

Smutty: Yeah, I'm gonna need more from you on that one, maybe not here or now, but eventually, you are going to need to purge that story for the rest of us to relish, just sayin...

Smutty: Have you ever crawled through a window?

Bex: Yes I have! *grin* That was when I could fit through one because my ass was smaller and I had no boobs!

Smutty: A girl hasn’t lived until she has crawled through a window *sighs and looks out window reminiscing her youth* Who's window was it? *wink*

Bex: The son of a policeman no less! *blush* but never mind my window sneaking, I wanna know who's window were you creepy-creeping through!

Smutty: Look Bex, I'm the one asking the questions today, mmkay? *wink*

Smutty: Favorite smells?

Bex: Freesias, the smell in the tattoo shop, Suntan lotion, my brother's cooking, coconut, and a just-showered guy. Yum!

Smutty: Mmmmmm, tattoo shop, Tattward, ok, where were we?

Bex: Tattooed Tattward....tattooing me...touching my.......sorry what?

Smutty: Yeah, time to move on to the next question before we have to cut this lil interview short and bust out the Rabbit!

Bex: *gulp*

Smutty: Favourite book out of the Twilight series?

Bex: New Moon comes pretty damn close but It's always been Twilight for me!

Smutty: Yes, Twilight was the beginning of all of it. If Midnight Sun is ever released, would Twilight still be your favourite?

Bex: Exactly, that’s why I love it - the beginning of it all for B & E and the beginning of it all for me! *sentimental* Y'know I think it would...I truly love that book...*sniffle*

Smutty: What is your biggest pet peeve?

Bex: Umm…lack of manners! They cost nothing and a little please/thank you goes a loooong way!

Smutty: I have to agree with you there. Nothing makes me want to tell someone to fuck their mother more than a lack of manners. And that says a lot coming from a crass offensive potty mouthed she-devil. *wink*

Bex: *snort* If you say please and thank you then that more than entitles you to say fuck, shit, bastard etc and generally throw profanities and expletives about, so it serves the asstards right! An I can say that cos I haz manners!

Smutty: Have you ever been in a physical altercation?

Bex: Would you believe only once! I was 11 and it was with a girl called Amanda who lived 5 doors down. She rode her bike in to my shin (the bitch!) so I pulled her hair and slapped her across the face!

Smutty: *claps hands then high-fives Bex* Good for you!!

Bex: It reminds me of that song…. "I didn't slap you I just high-fived your face" which is all I did to her….technically! *shrug*

Smutty: Sweet or savoury?

Bex: Sweet wins out every time for me! I lust over dessert menus! *blush* I'm amazed I have no fillings and all my own teeth actually!

Smutty: You lust over them, so it wouldn't be too far fetched to say a Bex fantasy would include sweets?

Bex: *squirms in her chair* Uh...I'd say that’s a pretty fair & accurate assumption yeah...*turns a funny shade of red*

Smutty: Hmmm, we may need to come back to this in a later post...

Smutty: If you could have one super power, what would it be?

Bex: I've thought long and hard on this, and decided the ability to make hot guys appear in my bed whenever I like would be….useful ;)

Smutty: Useful? Interesting choice of words *wiggles eyebrows*

Bex: Well I mean, I might need the bed springs oiled....or the headboard tested...all perfectly innocent!! We're not all Durty Gurty’s y'know! *whistles*

Smutty: Actually Bex, yes, we are all Durty Gurty's, some of us just aren’t out of the closet yet. *eyes Bex suspiciously*

Smutty: What is your favourite kind of chocolate?

Bex: The kind that can be melted on to Rpattz and then licked off him….slowly…..uhh…..

Smutty: *fans self* Can we get some chocolate in here? NOW?!

Bex: I don’t think we need to wait for the chocolate....*smirk*

Smutty: Aaahh, I thinky our sweet lil Bex in coming out of the smutty closet *rubs hands together*

Smutty: If I gave you an elephant, where would you hide it?

Bex: Under my bed!

Smutty: That must be one hell of a bed there Bex! Room enough for "company"?

Bex: Well depends who’s joining......*wiggles eyebrows*

Smutty: *makes note to apply for passport this week*

Smutty: Do you think the bad acting in Twilight was due to the lack of talent of the actors themselves or the lack of direction from Catherine Hardwicke? (yeah, I asked the question, suck it)

Bex: Ooo I may be hunted down and shot if I don't answer this correctly right? Ok well, fuck it, here goes….

I think a little from both camps! I think Catherine gave the actors a lot of freedom with their roles which is great but perhaps should have been directional to some extent in order to deliver the characters we were expecting i.e. the ones from the book that had already been established so well. But whichever way she did that it she would have inevitably never pleased everyone because we all have our own ideas of how they should be. We love them and know them inside out so we must be a hard audience to please! (Thinking back here to the uproar when they announced RPattz would play Edward). I'm stoked that the cast have been given the chance to grow in to their roles by filming New Moon & Eclipse. The small budget was complained about a lot but I feel a good director should be able to work with that and make the best of what they have. Don't get me wrong, I totally love the film but it's not without those moments where you just want to cringe at the acting! And from what I have seen of the trailers I think Summit made good in choosing Chris Weitz - I really think it's going to be beautiful ……!

Smutty: Couldn't agree more

Bex: I waffled...I’m sorry...please wake up!!
Smutty: Never make apologies for your responses when someone asks your opinion. Mmmkay?

Smutty: If you could re-experience one thing in your life, what would it be?

Bex: If you mean re-experience as in to do over differently then I would have kissed him when I had the chance. Re-experience as in do it again because it was so good the first time - start my blog and meet all you lovely laydees all over again!!

Smutty: Now you have opened yourself up to further questions there Ms. Bex! Who was this young man? How long ago was this? Where is said-man now?

Bex: Jesus Smuts, you said interview not interrogation, don’t get your panties in a bunch! One at a time! He was.... let’s call him H....and it was 2001......and said-man is still around, still in touch regularly and still a fine piece of ass.....! *bites lip*

Smutty: Dollface, my panties stay in a bunch, gives me the much needed friction throughout the day *wink*

Bex: TMI Smutters, TMI….*shakes head*

Smutty: Aww, nothing better than a lil Twilight-obsessed bonding *runs over to Bex and tackles her with a Emmett-sized bear hug*

Bex: *squeek* I lovers you but group hug...? Anyone....? Someone...? Help...? *gasps for air* I think I’m turning purple down here!

Smutty: I am all about some group hug!! *runs to Bex and squeezes her in a kung foo grip hug*

Fuckalicious Friday!

2009-10-10T02:26:00.006+01:00

Happy freaking Friday lovelies!! The weekend is here! Unwind time is upon me! I plan to get up late, shower, eat, and generally do a whole lot of nothing whilst wearing no bra! Don't look at me like that! Its so not my fault I have breasticles that hate being reigned in! They just want to be comfy ...*sigh*

Firstly and most importantly....I have 10 followers!! Double figures! *happy dance* Welcome to the madness SBGDGT! Thank you for wanting to read me!

So this week in brief...

I got very excited about lunch times. Trufax according to sjAimee who by the way owes me a HUGE pie. Sugary appley goodness = epic win!

It's rained every day but one. Shitty and typical English weather.

Amazon.co.uk have got 30 second previews of the songs from the New Moon Soundtrack. Impressed. For now. Would prefer Rob to be shipped home for a little U.K lovin...*pout*

I laughed so hard I cried today. In fact I laughed so hard I think I almost died - my sides split, I temporarily lost the ability to breath and I nearly peed my pants. It involved my BFF Trudi & an unfortunate incident with a banana - 'nuff said. *snorts*

And lastly....because it's Friday, and because I love you, and because you love Rob....

Um...I'm not so sure you'll need that name card Spunk....

Aw babyfaced and snuggly-hoody-huggable...

An appearance of my beloved Sex Hair *sigh*

"Look in to my eyes Bex" Well jeez I'd fuckin love to, but I actually really wanna stroke your hair right about now..

Black & White beautiful...

An overwhelming urge to kiss you forever and ever...

Source - The very totally lovely itsjustme513 of RobMusement. Don't be fridgid, go give her a kiss or 10! ;)

Enjoy your weekends!

It's my party & I'll cry if I want to.....

2009-10-09T00:07:00.006+01:00

Yes - Today is 9th October and I feel anxious. For 2 reasons. As you may have already guessed, I am going enlighten you on these! Lets begin at the beginning shall we....?

Firstly....

Right, if waiting for NM tickets to go on sale was able to give you blue balls then mine would have turned purple, dropped off and abandoned me by now! Seriously! 3 large local cinemas. Not so much as a sniff of a freaking ticket. The longer it takes the more impatient I get which then makes it feel like its taking even longer than it already is by which point I'm a pissy bitch! I took the liberty of signing up for an email alert so that the lovely cinema people can get off their ass and notify me when they go on sale. I'm waiting.......still.....*sigh* So God if your listening dude.....I promise to stop dropping the f-bomb a lot and eating all the cake if you can speed things up a little....much appreciated....*nod*

And secondly....

Jeez, this is almost like a bad break up...cos...y'know...there's like no other way to say this than honestly so...*deep breath*

imtotallyfreakingoutaboutthefactimprobablygoingtohavetotalhystericsduringthemovie....

*exhales* Okaaaay. Roughly translated, that means I'm feeling very aware of the fact that I'm probably not going to be able to keep my shit together during the break up scene....or Bella's aftermath.....or the dash to Volterra.....or the warm & fuzzies at the end. "But your a grown woman, you should know better!" I hear you cry! I know! And yes it's probably kinda pathetic of me and I really should be so totally ashamed at the thought that I mortify some sense in to myself. But bend me over and spank me silly if I don't cry like a little bitch in that cinema! I guess all I can do is be prepared like any sensible woman. Kleenex will be coming along, and whilst I would very much like to think my little outburst of emotion would be controlled and ladylike.....

And so that's how I ended up getting jiggy with Mike Newton
(Source)

....deep down I know its actually going to be more like....

What the f**k do you mean Edward Cullen leaves!?!?

(Source)

A totally unabashed, snotty, loud, embarassing, child scaring and generally messy grief stricken sob-fest....*shrug* But what's a girl to do! Am I still piss-my-freaking-pants-counting-down-the-endless-days excited? Well what the fuck do you think! ;)

Bad, wicked, naughty thoughts...

2009-10-04T23:31:00.001+01:00

Because my mind is totally in the RobGutter right now and I feel it may not be wise for me to sleep on ~~him~~ it, I share this lil cheeky with you.....*sigh*

So it has! Well fancy that! It would be awfully rude to refuse you ;)

Source

Sunday adventures with Mini Ed

2009-10-04T22:34:00.000+01:00

I love Sundays, so lazy and chill, so me & Mini E hung out today. He forgave me for the filthy implication I threw his way previously and we had a cool day.......

The little guy woke me up with favorite "breakfast" ...

We had a lil snuggle....

Then it was time for a drink, but he hates the stairs so he hitched a ride with me....

There was a little accident with the water...

So we opted for a cappucino instead....he makes a mean coffee!

Shower time came, so I turned my back for just a minute only to find the dirty boy snooping through my underwear drawer! FireCrotch warned me of this....

I managed to keep his filthy little mitts off my undies by getting him to fix my twinklies - it was a successful distraction!

But then he got a little clingy and insisted on riding with me so I kept the little dude safe & snug in my hoodie, although I got a little pissed when he said I reminded him of a Mummy Kangaroo with a pouch!

He made it up to me by cracking open the indoor sparklers...

Now it's bedtime - he's all worn out so maybe I'll tuck him in....

He needs all the sleep he can get, tomorrow will be my first day in my new role at work and I'm a little nervous! He's coming along to hold my hand....

So goodnight from Mini E and me!

Smexy, Scary & Spongey!

2009-10-03T15:26:00.002+01:00

Smexy.......

Now if your partial to a bit of sexy then I highly, highly recommend that you pay the lovely Mrs Vanquish a visit over at her blog and check out her latest post.....the video is.....*thud*. Mrs V is a real sweetheart so leave her some much deserved love! :D

Scary.......

So I applied for a promotion at work. Friday was a good day for me - they told me I got it! Feeling excited and piss-my-pants scared all at the same time! Kick off is Monday and I'm sure it's gonna be a baptism of fire!

And finally the Spongey.......

Poking about on YouTube I found this and couldn't help but think of a little tweetversation that occured between myself, Bitches & SmuttierThanYou! My inner child made me post it! Sing along if you dare!

Snuggle round the bonfire..

2009-10-01T23:03:00.001+01:00

Happy October!

Apparently my brain can't do articulate, witty, funny, or awake right about now! It's turned around, given me the finger and said "fuck off until tomorrow!" Although it can rather unsurprisingly manage horny-hot-and-bothered where RobPorn incentives are involved!

So tonight I'm keeping it short and sweet with some of my current favorite slowies. Close your eyes, kick back and reminisce a little. But before you do.....

....the last song I have chosen is (rather aptly!) "The English Way" and is one of my absolute most adored. You can just imagine my squeeing delight when I YouTubed it for posting and discovered the little gem below! A magical combination for me! If you are Amcas, Bitches, Cutie, FireCrotch, Marie, sjAimee, Mrs Vanquish or SmuttierThanYou then it is hereby dedicated to you. Why? Because you all know that things just arn't the same without a little Twilight, and I know that things would not be the same without any of you.... *MWAH!* <3

Humptacular!

2009-09-30T20:27:00.007+01:00

So the half way point in the week is here! Personally I'm holding out for 5.00 on Friday and containing my excitement for my precious saturday morning lie-in! *sigh* A busy week so far, and I'm sure more shit to come, but isn't that always the way! However today wasn't all bad - there was a brown box awaiting me when I got home, and in said brown box was something much anticipated and just as adorable as I'd hoped! "What was in the box Bex?" I hear you cry! Well laydees allow me to introduce the very handsome Pocket Edward!

Bex: Your super lovable for such a little guy..
Ed: Well, size isn't everything y'know...
Bex: Seriously? *waggles eyebrows*
Ed: I've been sent to live with filth...*stalks off*
Bex: *shrug*

It may only be wednesday, but my body has already consumed an obscene amount of crap food. It's all about the sugar....

Minty...chocolatey...a winning combination every time, no?

The good shit! I know it's bad for me but it's my one true beverage love!

*excited bouncing* Welcome to my newest follower, the spanktastic SmuttierThanYou! *waves* Who has totally made my day by using the term "fuckchop" - a first class cuss if ever I heard one! She is currently in-flight (pigeons you have been warned!) and I wish her & her Pocket Eddy the safest trip home :)

Finally, somethings are too damn good to not share! He's wet, he's Rob and he is wearing the freaking "fuck me" face *thud* one of my personal panty-exploding favorites! Enjoy! ;)

Umm.....*gulp*....b-b-bad girl? *bites lip*

Source

Mail Order Offer!

2009-09-25T22:13:00.002+01:00

Friday is finally here! Thank freakin god! I know this week has been cruel to a few lovely ladies , and I'll confess I've had better too! Lately, I've had to put on my big-girl pants and make certain choices & face/fix mistakes. It's been fucking awful and oddly liberating all at the same time, but I need cheering up and am willing to mail out random but lovely British goodies in return for some Perk-Me-Up-Rob.....photoshopped creations and the like! When it comes to The Pattz I love it all - super sweet or downright dirty, and I adore the funnies too! Anything? Anyone? *squeak* Please?

Source

Random musings...

2009-09-24T21:27:00.002+01:00

Cooee!!! It's that time again!

So kicking things off with The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus who I LOVE at the moment! Especially "Seventeen Ain't So Sweet"....an I think they may be right.....unless of course your Bella Swan hookin up with Edward too-damn-sexy-for-Forks Cullen, in which case being 17 would be pretty goddamn peachy!!

I whipped up a batch of my Double Death choccy muffins tonight..... Marie I can see you licking the screen! You missed a bit sweetie - to your left! *wink* Plenty to go round to my speshal girlies!

This week's snack of choice has been...

And last but not totes not least, an introduction of sorts! I'm gonna share some family ties with you. My asstard older brother wants 5 minutes of fame on (and I quote) "that bloggy nerd teccy-shit thing" Yes he's always been that eloquent & literate *snort* With a physical age of 28 and a mental age of 10 his game tactics are dirty - we did a trade off!! I've stuck his thug-mug on my blog in return for 5 whole days free of his practical jokes and mad prank calling skilz! It's a comply-or-die situation, an I may be small but I can be evil! Seriously, we all know the saying "strength in numbers", but although he is my only sibling, I know for a fact he is all I will ever need. He has my back, I have his, and he is my Emmett - man-muscles, huge humour and the biggest heart I'll ever know. He is one big fucking eternal sunny smile and I'll be damned if I don't love him for it! *sniffle*

Chris - and yes he picked the caption! *rolls eyes*

Post of rage!!

2009-09-21T20:11:00.004+01:00

Arrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggggggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

Hmm. Feels slightly better. So, turns out today was a bollocky day! Work was stress in a confined space, my bank suck ass for reasons I won't go in to, and to top it all off a certain movie company have decided to give the finger to the U.K and deprive us of a New Moon Premiere. Well thanks a fucking bunch you tight-assed, Rpattz hoarding, fun stealing bunch of dickheads! I am British and I am pissed!! *stamps foot* I wanted a premiere you a-holes! Why are you being so mean! *pout* And why is it always the U.K that misses out on the good shit? I just wanted Rob to come home dammit!

In a visual summary....I look and feel like Fluffy right about now!

Source

On a more positive note, the track list for New Moon has finally been released! I won't post it in full to avoid spoiling what some may be keeping as a surprise for themselves, but you can check it out over at Stephenie Meyer's site. If Death Cab's contribution is anything to go by then the soundtrack is going to be freakin spanktastic!! (thrown in for the non Death Cab Cutie in my life! I lobbers her!)

And speaking of music..(my content flow is good today no?)...I wrote a little song today for a very spesh laydee in my life...the fabulous and much loved Marie! It was short, sweet, and went a little something like this...*clears throat, strums geetar & sings* ..There was a week that was terribly horrid & mean, so the awesome Marie licked it clean...it tried to get down the lovely M-Girl, so she worked that tongue in to a killer swirl. Down with the crap week, how dare you be mean to the bestest most beautimus screen licking laundry queen!

Speaking of speshal laydees, me & my beloved Bitches decided to set up shop last week....

Source

And finally a tiny but important reflection. I started this blog in back August because I was stumbling on so many that made me think "wowzers!" and I wanted to give it a go - you don't try you don't know right? I thought I would suck, and this blog isn't up there with the best of them by any means, but I am touched to have gained followers after starting out with none and the fantastic comments excite me no end!! Please keep them coming! So... to the ones brave enough to follow me, to the ones crazy enough to tweet with me, and (especially) to those ladies who never cease to amaze me in the best way (thats you Ang, Cutie, FireCrotch, Bitches, Marie, sjAimee, Tasha, & Mrs V) thank you, thank you, thank you! *sniff*

Now, I know I had a Kleenex here somewhere....*grin*

BWP Continued...

2009-09-14T21:14:00.001+01:00

So in honour of Bitches being gentle with me, and because I only got as far as P before, here is my Bristish Word Porn continued, running from S to Z!

Quid - One pound sterling (and a British favorite!)
Rank - Disgusting, ugly
Shag -  To have sex! ~~Fornication with Mr P~~ Another British fave, this one always seems to get a laugh!
Shit-faced - Drunk ~~Me after Tequila~~
Skid lid - A motorcycle helmet.
Skive - Apparently "An evasion of one's tasks, a period of shirking" in otherwords being a lazy sod!
Smashing - Excellent, brilliant, wonderful! "We had a smashing time looking at RobPorn". Very old fashioned English and stereotypical of how most people think we actually speak!
Snaffle - One of my faves! Means to grab, seize or help yourself to things!
Snazzy - "Smart or attractive in an ostentatious way"
Smuggling Peanuts - A woman with naughty nipples! Think cold weather or arousing behaviour! *wink*
Snog - French kissy!!
Sprog/Sproglet - A baby/small child. I always use "Kiddlywink(s)"
Spunk - Spermies/Jizz! Yes I've lowered the tone but it had to be done and we all know why! One word - "Ransom" Muwahaha!!
Squidgey - Feeling soft, squashy or soggy.
Squillion - Very large indefinite amount.
Swamp Donkey - Me Ugly person!
The Trots -  An upset/poorly tummy. Less politely referred to as "The Shits"
Trolleys - Underwear, specifically knickers
Todger - Betcha cant't guess this one? *smirk*
Whack off - Male*cough*masturbation!

Erm...so yeah U, V, X, Y & Z were tricky!

I want VMA Rob! And I want him noooooow!

2009-09-13T20:58:00.002+01:00

I want to see the VMA's tonight. But I have to wait until tomorrow night. That sucks ass. A lot. *sulk*

You there! *point* Yes yooou! Go and bask in the awesomeness of Why Not? Twilight, RPattz & Me. I much love Ang! Along with 99 very wise peoples!

I have dusted down ~~Rob's buttonfly~~ my Twitter account! Follows would be nicey-pie! *bats eyelashes*

That is all!

God Bless Chris Weitz

2009-09-11T22:22:00.000+01:00

So I went to ROBsessed to check out the latest update....and to my genuine surprise there sat the latest trailer for New Moon....*shudder* It takes a lot to render me speechless but for the love of all that is holy....................it's just......well.........fuck. Words fail me.

Rule Britannia!

2009-09-10T15:45:00.005+01:00

This song has been owning my ass for weeks now! And satisfyingly, the awesome Band of Skulls are Blighty boys! Home grown talent always makes me feel a little bit proud to be British, especially when a shitload of credit/recognition is given where rightly due.

However, as much as I may dig Band of Skulls right now, there is only one British export worthy of me donning a pair of Union Jack knickers and streaking outside the gates of Buckingham Palace - his holy hawtness that is RPattz! Nom nom nom! Although when it comes to Mr P my preference of course would be to go without the patriotic panties! *smirk*

Smut aside for a moment my loves (yes, v. hard to do when naughty RobPorn induced thoughts are near impossible!) my squishy little sentimental side kinda misses him! What with him being the worlds most in-demand guy an workin his (probably dirty) socks off, his schedule unsurpisingly takes him far to most excellent places, which is the coolest of beans for him. But in vain, I nurse a silent slightly selfish plea that he will at some point remember his UK fans and eventually get that exquisite ass of his on a big shiny plane and come the hell home. Amen!

In the meantime...

I payed my dealer Ang a visit and played "Do, Dump, Marry" which was a fuckload of fun - a few tricky choices there!

I am awaiting the joy that is payday so that I can finally purchase me a Pocket Edward from Ebay. Whoot! He shall be my companion and I shall love him and he shall come to work with me every day.

I go back to college next Tuesday to start an A Level in English Literature and panic at the thought is creeping in a little more each day! I enrolled on the course purely for recreational purposes and even paid a whack load for the priviledge! But I'm 25 and being taunted by the fact that I haven't been in an academic environment since I finished college in 2002! Going back for 32 weeks suddenly seems daunting...*gulp*

2009-09-09T13:35:00.001+01:00

Thanks to the lovely Tasha over at SLP my little birdy up there is no longer nameless - bestowed with the name Luther, making him extra cute!

So 72 sleeps until New Moon! *squee* Plans are coming together for the night in question - Laura & Carrie are getting their "hood" on so we'll all be in matching hoodies for the awesomeness that will be 20 November! Unlike you lucky ducks in the U.S, there are no tickets on advanced sale yet *pout* the earliest will be 6 weeks before so needless to say I am being stealth-like in my mission to land said glorious tix for the first night, the prospect of which is almost enough to induce excitement triggered pant-peeing! And seriously, Charlie Bucket thought his Willy Wonka Golden Ticket was the shit? Pssht!

I'm eating up fan fic like it's going out of fashion, I need more, lots more!! Lemony ones! Recommendations? Please?

Feeling a bit lame

2009-09-06T18:24:00.005+01:00

*sigh* So the British summer this year has resembled bad sex - over in seconds, leaving you feeling cold, a little confused and very dissapointed!! But regardless, I have decided to cash in on my last few remaining days of annual leave entitlement and am now not due back in the office until Monday 14 September! *does the happy dance* Still unsure as to what I will do with myself but I feel a wise way of spending time will be to blog, read blogs and indulge in more fan fic whilst eagerly waiting on updates from my faves! Throw in some junk food, a few good movies and the occasional jog and I will be a content little bunny! Getting up late is also conducive to my state of happiness!

I was today considering whether to abandon what seemed to be a sinking ship and cease the blogging or resort to some lame attempt at touting myself shamelessly. I didn't relish the thought of either, but I feared that no one actually reads my shit, therefore making me look hugely pointless! But then a small glimmer of hope appeared in the form of Tasha *Welcome* She has bravely joined my followings thus meaning that....

A) Fire Crotch is no longer alone!

B) Perhaps I'm not that bad after all...?

So big, warm, fuzzy thank you's to Fire Crotch & Tasha *grin*

And to Bottkins, who I know has been faithfully reading me, I missed you last week and I will miss you next week, you are super and I love you!

xx

Tweet tweet you sweet little Birdy!

2009-09-02T22:15:00.001+01:00

So pointing out the obvious - a new layout! Very attached to the cute little birdy...I think he needs a name. Suggestions welcome in the comments! :o)

After much hair puilling and a few expletives, I finally got the "Followers" widget to behave! All I need now are some lovely followers to keep Fire Crotch company! Pretty please? *angelic smile*

Lunchtime Quickie!

2009-09-01T13:50:00.000+01:00

Thanks to the very splendid Fire Crotch (the only one who loves me it seems!) for recommending the awesome "Clipped Wings & Inked Armor". I greedily conquered all 20 chapters and now I want more!!

Submissive Sundays

2009-08-30T14:28:00.004+01:00

Well who knew! My dark side is apparently a whole fuck-load darker than I thought!

I love how Sunday is such a chill day.....you can mooch about without feeling an ounce of guilt. Fuck, you don't even have to get dressed!! *Yawns & stretches* For the record however I am showered, dressed and fed....I just plan to do nothing! Except partake in a trip to the movies tonight! But until then I am going to sit here and wonder where the strange pain in my left ass cheek/thigh has come from! If I didn't know better I'd say DurtyNelly unleashed Masen on me last night *smirk* but sadly I think it's just wishful thinking...*pout*. The uber lovely DN is penning 2 of the most freaking fantastical reads for which I would marry her tomorrow! You can check them out here and here but please be sure to heed her warning before you continue.

And Durty, if you are reading this my sweet then :-

Firstly - Last night's bedtime read was S & N. Holy shit I'm freaking hooked and loving it!!!

Secondly - Thank you for BATB update *squeal* Princess/Demon teamwork has me keyed up!

Thirdly (& most importantly) - I'll beg & grovel on my knees for a few hours with Masen! *blush*

*wanders off in search of a very cold shower*

Suck, Sucky and Suckier!

2009-08-27T20:58:00.002+01:00

Today was the shittiest of shitty days!! Hopefully that means tomorrow won't go the same way *sigh* Heeeeeeuge dose of RPattzinol needed I think....in fact just a freakin hug would suffice.... from anyone...*pout* That lovely brother of mine loves me at least - he made me us kick-ass curry! Num num num!!

I have however been re-named by Troodles as "Rebecca Cruella Florentina Bertie Sharp"....I have no idea why, or what the hell she was on at the time, but it seems like good juice!! *wanders off in search of said juice*

Bed for this grumpy beetch and to the laundry for my much loved blue stripey jumper!

Happy Hump Day!

2009-08-26T20:26:00.003+01:00

So we are half way through what is apparently going to be one of those fucking weeks! *sigh* I'll confess - I've been snacking to pass the time *hangs head in shame* but the comments are now working!! I resisted the cake reward and doubled up on RobPorn instead! Mmm…….*eyes glaze over*. Ooo so yes, speaking of which, the mega-lovely Fire Crotch and Bitches *waves* very kindly popped my comment cherry last night! Thank you ladies - how was it for you? *chuckle*

For your mild entertainment, and in a bid to make Bitches actually pee her pants this time, I have cobbled together some BWP! (British Word Porn). A random selection….

Argy-bargy - pushing, shoving and fighting.
Bog roll - Roll of toilet paper
Cack-Handed - Clumsy (me!)
Chuffed - Proud, satisfied, pleased
Cock-up - Error, mistake (and "mildly vulgar" according to Wiki!)
Codswallop - Much the same as bollocks but less rude...(and so in my book less effective!)
Feck - Mild expletive, an alternative to fuck including fecker, fecking, etc. (A personal fave of mine, and "vulgar" according to Wiki!)
Fringe - Slang for bangs (as in hair)
Get off with - To partake in passionate kissing and fondling (with RPattz?! *hyperventilates*)
Higgledy Piggledy - All over the place, untidy, scatty
Knickers - Girl's/women's underpants...(I prefer "Undercrackers" personally)
Loo - Toilet (This word is a huge British favourite!)
Lurgy - An imaginary illness allegedly passed on by touch (perfect as an excuse to avoid people!)
Mardy or Mardy Bum - A grumpy, moody person (me when the alarm goes off! Also a personal fave of mine)
Minger or Minging - Ugly, dirty, generally gross!
Pleb - Quite simply means Idiot!
Pukka - Good, tasty, spot on

Enjoy dropping those in to random conversations for maximum effect! But now I'm tired and hungry and stopping at P! Lesson over for today class.....detention for you Mr Pattinson *wickedness*

Jeez...

2009-08-25T22:06:00.004+01:00

My comments don't work! *sniffle* Now I will never know if anyone blog-loves me or wants to me my friend...*bites lip*

I'll fix the freakin thing! And if successful shall reward myself with cake and some RobPorn from the vair lubberly Amcas *wave* over at Why Not?...

On the topic of Hawt-Rob, I took the liberty of adorning my office book case with some sex hair and cheeky chest-fluff exposure

My working week is now a hell of a lot schmexier!!! I also feel some boredom killing post-it captions brewing...! Stay posted ;o) (boom boom!)

Is it today again already?

2009-08-25T14:13:00.010+01:00

Ok so the indecisive weather is freaking annoying to say the least! All I want to know is should it be flip flops or shoes!? It’s not like I'm asking for much *sigh* I could be greedy and submit my demands for a shiny silver volvo with Mr P splayed out on the bonnet, wearing only his bestest birthday suit, beckoning to me with come to bed eyes and cooing…."shall I show you the engine Bex…?" Hell yes! Is it impolite to ask about the dipstick...? *smutty chuckles*

Crappy weather aside, I have taken it upon myself to proclaim today as *drumroll purlease* ……."Tunetastic Tuesday!"…because lets face it, there ain't much else 'tastic about it! Also just because I felt like it, and I'm entitled to take the odd liberty every now and then! *cheesy grin*

So on the theme of today here are the 10 tunes that are currently living at the top of my playlist…(in no particular order)

Rise Up Rabbit Heart - Florence & The Machine

Cross My Heart - Marianas Trench

Sunshine - All American Rejects

Vampire - People In Planes

Lights Go Down - Shorelines End

All Around Me - Flyleaf

Wolf Like Me - TV On The Radio

Dark Blue - Jack's Mannequin

I Know What I am - Band Of Skulls

Masquerade - Roe

Random thought 1 - I should make myself a schmexy banner/button to promote my blog no?

Random thought 2 - I reeeeeeally fancy a pasty for lunch!

Enjoy! Sadly I hear a grindstone calling for my nose!

Mondays - Mind blowingly butt numbing!

2009-08-24T22:33:00.013+01:00

Hm...2 posts in 1 day! Rude not to christen the blog though, seeing as it will be my outlet for some rather random witterings! I like to think of it as my "creative safe haven" *mwuaha* There is a writer in here somewhere (see previous dodgy vocab!).......my college tutor said so, annnnnd my Nat Dip proved it! Well....up to a point!

Poor Blogger, I anticipate it getting a damn good bashing at somepoint *sigh*

As for the mucho hawt RPattz, a damn good bashing is not what I would give him! Num num num!! Speaking of which; a few weeks ago I managed to lose approx 4 days of my so called life. "How" I hear you cry? Well let me tell thee! I started reading "Wide Awake" which is, funnily enough, exactly how it left me! Penned by AG, It's doubtful that whatever I say here will do its amazingness any justice so all I will say is if you are an open minded, warm blooded Twilight fan you need to go here, get comfy and commence what will be an eye opening & fantastical read! Be warned however that you do need to be 18+ as the content is gloriously adult! Perhaps not for the faint of heart/easily offended and minors most defnately need to jog on!! Sowwies!

Now, should you feel bereft (I cried *sniffle*) after reading the immense 52 chapters then help is at hand from Cutie over at the Super Secret Twilight Blog. Ooodles of chapter discussions, fun facts, and pee-your-pants-funny captioned pics will see you right and you can learn lots about the lovely Cutie too!

Cutie, if you're reading this - I'm on a wish-mission for a bakery that sells "Double Raspberry Walnut My Boyfriend Is So Fucking Skilled That He Got Me Off Through My Jeans With One Hand Cherry Chocolate Chip Delights." ;o)

Introductions and all that jazz!

2009-08-24T13:09:00.013+01:00

If you are reading this then you have somehow managed to stumble, most likely by accident I suspect, in to the madness that is/will be my blog. Now your thinking "Oh Shit!". First impressions have always been (and will always be) sucky to do but I love a challenge so I'm willing to share my bare essentials. You are of course free to run, screaming as you go. But it could be warm n cosy if you stayed - sounds kinda nice huh? :o)

Ok...myself...
Rebecca to few, Becky to most, Bex to my bestest lovely people! My birthday makes me an Aries & 80's child...it also makes me 25 (ouch!) Born, bred and living in Devon. Clotted cream, tractors, the...unique(!) accent and crazy farmers - oooo aaarr!

My job - it's not life saving or world changing but it's mine and I love it.

My friends & family - All highly amazing people, my constants, who continue to enrich my life every single day for which I love them trillions.

I love my iPhone, Edward Cullen, cake, night times, the casual look, lots of colours, optimists, my inner child, winter, my tattoos, mum's apple pie, being a deep sleeper, flip flops, big smiles, my converse all stars, travelling, stand up comedy, glitter and sparkly things, the smell of suntan lotion, photographs, my dad's crap jokes, pyjamas, a good book/song/film and Twilight!

I hate marmite, being poorly, queue jumpers, confrontation, fish (eating & swimming with!) soap operas, pessimists, information overloads, jelly, narrow minds, constant complainers, bugs, Sudoku, spam emails, bad hygiene, the always-eternal wait at baggage reclaim, noisy eaters, being interrupted, cold callers, men in speedos, shower radios, people who repeat themselves and raw carrot.

So this is me! One of a kind & gladly unique; made up of odd little quirks, moments of madness, some regrets, boundless love, a wicked streak, a glass heart, an endless amount of hope, a laid back nature, a hot temper, a healthy curiosity, bucketfuls of good humour, a few flaws, some kind of faith, a mild insanity, overwhelming passion, strong spirit, a sunny outlook, an open mind, pearls of wisdom, impulsive tendancies, mistakes I made and lessons I learned. By no means perfect and pleased as punch about it!

I don't bite so please say hello if your passing through because I'm a social little doughnut! Robsessed and a total Twi Addict I'll talk Twilight until the cows come home! Although being a "mature" fan, I cannot promise clean, cuss-free blogs!

If you got this far then you have survived my first blog post, which is no mean freakin feat! I urge you to stick it out......who knows, you might like it!